Hogwarts Chat Rooms
by siriuslives394
Summary: Hogwarts gets a budget raise. Because of this, they decide to modernize! A bunch of teen students and teachers, each with their own Internet connection. Not a pretty picture.  The story says complete, but it doesn't end till I run out of ideas.
1. Quidditch Chat Room

Summary: Hogwarts gets a budget raise. Because of this, they decide to modernize! A bunch of teen students and teachers, each with their own Internet connection. Not a pretty picture.

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was unusually quiet. The corridors were empty, except for a rare patrolling teacher. The quidditch pitch was bare, no practicing teams, no happy flying students, no Mrs. Norris strapped to a broomstick. The reason for this unusual (but not unwelcome) quiet was due to the introduction of a muggle technology recently altered to accommodate the wizarding school - the _Internet_.

Students had immediately taken to the Internet. Oddly enough, even the pureblood Slytherin students. That may have been due to the fact that most were under the impression that the Internet was a wizarding invention. No one felt obligated to inform them otherwise. The students seemed to have a natural affinity for computers; the teachers were still struggling with the basics. That is, except for one. The Muggle Studies professor, who had been working with computers for years. It was because of this that she, Charity Burbage, had been asked to set up the entire project. Obtaining computers that would work on Hogwarts' grounds, setting up an Internet connection. _Everything._ What the students weren't aware of, however, was that she had set up a nifty little security setting. She could view what students were doing on their computers at any time.

So now, several weeks after the original introduction, students had created Chat Rooms, IMing accounts, and many other things. Charity switched on her laptop, and sat crossed legged on her bed, about to begin monitoring.

**Quidditch Chat Room**

_cptnwood195 has joined the chat._

_gryffie4ever __has joined the chat._

cptnwood195: Potter?

gryffie4ever: Wood?

cptnwood195: Potter! I was looking for you! Now, about the match on Friday. We need to discuss strategies!

_malfoyjr has joined the chat._

_crabbengoyle has joined the chat._

malfoyjr: Well, well, well. Look what we have here. If it isn't Potter.

crabbengoyle: grunt

gryffie4ever: Piss off Malfoy.

ctpnwood195: Piss off Malfoy.

malfoyjr: Testy, are we? Maybe I want to stay.

crabbengoyle: chuckle

gryffie4ever: Are you two completely incapable of speech? Whether online or otherwise?

_bookwormgrangerheart 3 has joined the chat._

gryffie4ever: Hermione?

_bookworm500 has joined the chat._

gryffie4ever: Wait, Hermione? Who's who?

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Er... Harry, it's me, Ron. . 

gryffie4ever: ...oh...

ctpnwood195: This has gotten weird. ttyl Potter.

_ctpnwood195 has left the chat._

bookworm500: Well, I must say, I'm flattered Ron.

malfoyjr: Has the mudblood found love?

crabbengoyle: chuckle

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Piss off Malfoy.

malfoyjr: Or what?

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Or I'll sic Hermione on you. Remember what happened last time?

gryffie4ever: lol, Ron! XD

bookworm500: Ronald!

crabbengoyle: crack knuckles

malfoyjr: ... shut up.

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Did ya think of that all by yourself, Malfoy?

_malfoyjr has left the chat._

gryffie4ever: Hermione, why are you in the Quidditch chat room?

bookworm500: Quidditch chat room? I thought this was an Ancient Runes chat! I was wondering why you were here...

_bookworm500 has left the chat._

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Harry?

gryffie4ever: Yeah, Ron?

bookwormgrangerheart 3: How d'you reckon the Chudley Cannon's will do this year?

_gryffie4ever has left the chat._

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Harry? Harry!

bookwormgrangerheart 3: sigh Why does this always happen?

_Bookwormgrangerheart 3 has left the chat._


	2. Incredibly Stupendous Chat Room

**Incredibly Stupendous Chat Room**

_gryffie4ever has joined the chat._

gryffie4ever: Uh... Hello?

_crumple1horn1snoracks1pwn1u has joined the chat._

crumple1horn1snoracks1pwn1u: Why, hello Harry. Joined the Incredibly Stupendous Chat Room, then?

gryffie4ever: Yeah. What's so Incredibly Stupendous about it?

_malfoyjr has joined the chat._

malfoyjr: Well, isn't that obvious Potter? I'm what's so Incredibly Stupendous!

gryffie4ever: Yeah, _right_. XD

_gredweasley has joined the chat._

_forgeweasley has joined the chat._

gredweasley: Harry!

forgeweasley: How are you?

gredweasley: Staying out of-

forgeweasley: trouble?

gryffie4ever: Hiya Fred and George.

malfoyjr: Do either of you two nitwits realize just how strange that was? O.o

gredweasley: Why, if it isn't little Malfoy!

forgeweasley: Seen dear old Voldie lately?

crumple1horn1snoracks1pwn1u: Excuse me?

malfoyjr: I don't know what you're talking about...

gredweasley: Oh, I think-

forgeweasley: you do.

gryffie4ever: He's right that is kinda creepy. O.o

crumple1horn1snoracks1pwn1u: Excuse me?

gryffie4ever: Yeah, Luna?

malfoyjr: Oooh, is it old Loopy?

gryffie4ever: Don't call her that.

malfoyjr: I can call her anything I want to. Loopy!

gryyfie4ever: Stop, Malfoy!

gredweasley: Yeah, stop-

forgeweasley: Malfoy!

malfoyjr: Make me.

gryffie4ever: Oh, how mature.

crumple1horn1snoracks1pwn1u: Excuse me?

forgeweasley: OI! Luna has something to say! Shut it!

crumple1horn1snoracks1pwn1u: Thank you. Now, as Harry did ask earlier what made this chat room so Incredibly Stupendous, I'm going to answer.

gryffie4ever: Oh, it's all right Luna.

malfoyjr: Why do we care Loopy?

gredweasley: You remember your brief experience as a ferret? Yeah, we can make it so you can re-experience it.

crumple1horn1snoracks1pwn1u: What makes it so Incredibly Stupendous is the fact that while you're sitting, typing, in this chat room, it's downloading all of your personal information. Pictures, everything. :P

gryffie4ever: O.o What?! That's insane.

_gryffie4ever has left the chat_

malfoyjr: For once I agree with Potter.

_malfoyjr has left the chat._

gredweasley: That's seriously-

forgeweasley: messed up.

_gredweasley has left the chat._

_forgeweasley has left the chat._

crumple1horn1snoracks1pwn1u: Hm... I never knew that Malfoy knew how you use a digital camera... Or how to use one like _that_... I wonder what everyone would think of these...?

_crumple1horn1snoracks1pwn1u has left the chat._


	3. Harry Potter Haters Chat Room

**Harry Potter Haters Chat Room**

_malfoyjr has joined the chat._

_ 3drackiepoo 3 has joined the chat._

malfoyjr: ... Pansy?

3drackiepoo 3: like, omfg drackie!11

_crabbengoyle has joined the chat._

_flintcptnflint has joined the chat._

crabbengoyle: grunt

flintcptnflint: WOOT! POTTER HATERS!

malfoyjr: Flint? I never knew you hated Potter _that _much!

flintcptnflint: Hate? I loathe him! He constantly catches that god-forsaken snitch! And he's such so good looking, unlike me!

3drackiepoo 3: like, i know. he like never lets drackie catch it11! mean potty. he is like so not hot. god.

malfoyjr: ...

crabbengoyle: grunts agreeingly

flintcptnflint: You two do know that there are free cupcakes in the Great Hall?

_crabbengoyle have left the chat._

_slytherinchickthatyoudontknow has joined the chat._

slytherinchickthatyoudontknow: Uh... hi.

malfoyjr: Who're you?

slytherinchickthatyoudontknow: I'm a Slytherin chick that you don't know. But I hate Potter. Lots and lots.

malfoyjr: If you hate Potter you're welcome here!

3drackiepoo 3: wait, like omfg!11 yyoure a chick!1!!! stay away from drackie hes like so mine!!!11

malfoyjr: Pansy, I am not, nor will I ever be, yours.

_ihatepotter has joined the chat._

ihatepotter: Hi! I hate Potter! I know you hate Potter too!

3drackiepoo 3: cry

ihatepotter: Am I interrupting something?

3drackiepoo 3: i cant believe youd do that 2 me drackie!!1!!1

_ 3drackiepoo 3 has left the chat._

malfoyjr: Finally... she's gone.

ihatepotter: Hello...?

flintcptnflint: I hate Potter just like you! hugs

ihatepotter: Did you grow up without affection, or something?

flintcptnflint: cries How could you bring up my horrible past!!

_flintcptnflint has left the chat._

malfoyjr: Who are you?

ihatepotter: Another unknown Potter Hater.

slytherinchickthatyoudontknow: Just like me!

malfoyjr: There seem to be a lot of you...

ihatepotter: Ha ha! What a happy coincidence!

malfoyjr: Alrighty! Quiz time!

slytherinchickthatyoudontknow: Quiz? There's a quiz?! Why didn't anyone tell me?!

ihatepotter: Whoa, calm down.

malfoyjr: Question one, what's the unlocking charm?

slytherinchickthatyoudontknow: Alohamora!

ihatepotter: unlockyoulockidus?

malfoyjr: Gotta answer quicker than that! Question two, what do spiders fear the most?

ihatepotter: RAID!

slytherinchickthatyoudontknow: BASILISKS!

malfoyjr: Don't hesitate! Answer the first thing that comes into your head! Question three, are you Potter's friends?

ihatepotter: YES!

slytherinchickthatyoudontknow: ... NO!

slytherinchickthatyoudontknow: Ronald! You've given us away!

malfoyjr: HA! I knew it!

slytherinchickthatyoudontknow: Ron!

malfoyjr: Trying to sneak in and spy, eh?

ihatepotter: ... no...

malfoyjr: Liar. Ever thought of being subtle?

_flintcptnflint has joined the chat._

malfoyjr: Back so soon, Flint?

flintcptnflint: So, you two were discovered?

malfoyjr: What?

slytherinchickthatyoudontknow: Yeah, we're sorry Harry. Ron doesn't possess any self-control!

ihatepotter: Hey! I resent that comment!

malfoyjr: What? Flint?

_captainofslytherin has joined the chat._

captainofslytherin: I'm Flint! Imposter!

flintcptnflint: Ha ha! I am really...

malfoyjr: POTTER!

flintcptnflint: Yeah, that.

_slytherinchickthatyoudontknow has left the chat._

_ihatepotter has left the chat._

_flintcptnflint has left the chat._

captainofslytherin: That's messed up. I'm out.

_captainofslytherin has left the chat._

malfoyjr: I hate Potter.

_malfoyjr has left the chat._


	4. Polyjuice Potion Experience Chat Room

**Polyjuice Potion Experience Chat Room**

_gryffie34ever has joined the chat._

_bookworm500 has joined the chat._

_bookwormgrangerheart 3 has joined the chat._

gryffie4ever: Hi Hermione and Ron!

bookworm500: Is it really wise for us to be in here?

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Why wouldn't it be?

gryffie4ever: ... Why do you think Ron?

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Is it booby-trapped? Oh my god! HERMIONE! USE HARRY AS A SHIELD!

gryffie4ever: Well, I feel loved. . 

bookworm500: Ronald! Apologize! And, FYI, this is a chat room for people with Polyjuice _experience._ If we're caught in here...

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Sorry Harry... Y'know I didn't mean it...

gryffie4ever: Hm.

_lemondropsaremygod has joined the chat._

gryffie4ever: Uh... Hi Professor.

lemondropsaremygod: Good afternoon Mr. Potter. What an interesting place to find you.

bookworm500: We can explain Professor!

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Yeah! We were trying to find out who the heir of Slytherin was, so we used Polyjuice Potion in second year!

lemondropsaremygod: I shall pretend that I did not hear that.

gryffie4ever: Thanks Professor.

_malfoyjr has joined the chat._

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Malfoy? What the hell are you doing here?

lemondropsaremygod: Language, Mr. Weasley.

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Sorry.

gryffie4ever: When have _you _had experience with Polyjuice Potion, Malfoy?

malfoyjr: Well, this time is second year something happened. You and Weasley broke into the Slytherin common room and interrogated me!

bookworm500: You knew that was them?

malfoyjr: You underestimate my intelligence, Granger. It doesn't take a genius to notice Crabbe and Goyle turning into Potter and the Weasel.

lemondropsaremygod: I shall pretend that I heard nothing of the previous conversation.

malfoyjr: cough FAVORITISM cough

gryffie4ever: Hey!

lemondropsaremygod: Also, to prevent myself from hearing any other things that I'd just pretend that I didn't hear, I shall leave.

_lemondropsaremygodhas left the chat._

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Thanks, Malfoy.

malfoyjr: Anytime.

gryffie4ever: I'm leaving.

_gryffie4ever has left the chat._

bookworm500: Me too.

_bookworm500 has left the chat._

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Asshole.

_bookwormgrangerheart 3 has left the chat._

malfoyjr: Wait till my father hears about this...


	5. Masquerade Chat Room

**Masquerade Chat Room**

_kittykittykittycat has joined the chat._

_queenofdabooks has joined the chat._

_halfbloodprince has joined the chat._

_aintasquib has joined the chat._

kittykittykittycat: Hello?

halfbloodprince: Minerva?

kittykittykittycat: I am not!

queenofdabooks: Minerva?

kittykittykittycat: NO.

halfbloodprince: Methinks the lady doth protest too much.

queenofdabooks: Shakespeare! A muggle classic!

aintasquib: I AIN'T A SQUIB!

halfbloodprince: Of course you aren't.

_scarheadsucks has joined the chat._

halfbloodprince: I agree completely.

scarheadsucks: With what?

halfbloodprince: Your name.

kittykittykittycat: Well I don't!

scarheadsucks: Professor McGonagall?

kittykittykittycat: NO!

queenofdabooks: Isn't this supposed to be anonymous?

_elbowinthebutterdish has joined the chat._

elbowinthebutterdish: Hi!

aintasquib: I AIN'T A SQUIB!

elbowinthebutterdish: Hi!

scarheadsucks: It's supposed to be anonymous, but _someone _is giving it away!

elbowinthebutterdish: Hi!

kittykittykittycat: I'm not the one guessing!

elbowinthebutterdish: Hi!

halfbloodprince: I _wouldn't _if _someone _wasn't being so _obvious_!

aintasquib: I AIN'T A SQUIB!

elbowinthebutterdish: Hi!

scarheadsucks: ALRIGHT! WE HEARD YOU THE FIRST FOUR TIMES!

elbowinthebutterdish: You don't have to be so rude!

scarheadsucks: Eh, piss off.

e_elbowinthebutterdish has left the chat._

kittykittykittycat: Language!

halfbloodprince: What did we say about being obvious, Minerva?

kittykittykittycat: ... be quiet.

aintasquib: I AIN'T A SQUIB!

queenodabooks: For the love of books! We understand that you are not a squib! Please stop spamming!

aintasquib: But I ain't a squib!

halfbloodprince: Get out.

aintasquib: You can't make me. After all, I'm a wizard. Not a squib.

halfbloodprince: Get out now. Before I hunt you down, cut you into little pieces, pickle you, and put you in my office. It's Filch, correct?

aintasquib: Uh...

_aintasquib has left the chat._

kittykittykittycat: Severus?

halfbloodprince: No.

scarheadsucks: Yeah it is.

halfbloodprince: No.

queenofdabooks: Severus, it's quite obviously you. No one else can be quite that creepy. Ta ta!

_queenofdabooks has left the chat._

halfbloodprince: No.

scarheadsucks: It's quite obvious who all of you are! Madame Pince, Professor Snape, and Professor McGonagall!

kittykittykittycat: That applies to you as well, Mr. Malfoy.

scarheadsucks: gasp How did you know?!

kittykittykittycat: You're the only one who uses 'scarhead' as a pet name for Mr. Potter.

scarheadsucks: Pet name! It's an insult!

_boywholived has joined the chat._

boywholived: Um... nasty.

_boywholived has left the chat._

halfbloodprince: ... Potter. twitch

kittykittykittycat: That's actually pretty creepy Severus.

scarheadsucks: Hey! Back over here!

kittykittykittycat: What?

scarheadsucks: It's not a pet name!

kittykittykittycat: Methinks the lady doth protest too much.

halfbloodprince: ...

scarheadsucks: Hey! I'm not a lady...

kittykittykittycat: That's debatable...

scarheadsucks: What?

kittykittykittycat: Nothing...

halfbloodprince: She said: That's debatable.

scarheadsucks: Yeah, I _know _that! Duh!

halfbloodprince: Are you PMSing, Draco?

kittykittykittycat: Ha!

scarheadsucks: You two are teachers! You're not supposed to insult students!

halfbloodprince: We're off duty.

_scarheadsucks has left the chat._

halfbloodprince: Well that was sufficiently amusing.

kittykittykittycat: Severus, why is your name 'halfbloodprince'?

_halfbloodprince has left the chat._

kittykittykittycat: That was rude... Maybe he's PMSing too...

_kittykittykittycat has left the chat._

A/N: I'm just going to continue this as I think of it… There will be more if I write more. Thanks.


	6. Minion's Chat Room

A/N: Hiya, I wrote this all last night. Thanks for your reviews! I probably would have left it of at chapter 5 if not for you! Thanks!

**Minions Chat Room**

_insanewitchbella has joined the chat._

_scabberstherat has joined the chat._

_halfbloodprince has joined the chat._

insanewitchbella: Mwahahaha!

scabberstherat: Bellatrix!

halfbloodprince: ... Pettigrew.

_malfoyofthelusciouslips has joined the chat._

halfbloodprince: Lucius, why is your name so very... disturbing?

insanewitchbella: Mwahahaha!

malfoyofthelusciouslips: Uh... its not Lucius.

scabberstherat: Omg! My Lord! I apologize! Please forgive me! cowers

halfbloodprince: You idiot Pettigrew. It's obviously not the Dark Lord!

insanewitchbella: Mwahahaha!

malfoyofthelusciouslips: It's... uh... it's Draco. Yes! That's it!

halfbloodprince: Is that so?

malfoyofthelusciouslips: Yes.

scabberstherat: But... when did you become a minion?

insanewitchbella: Mwahahaha!

halfbloodprince: You idiot Pettigrew. It's obviously Lucius.

_malfoysr has joined the chat._

malfoysr: Who's obviously me?

scabberstherat: See? Ha Snape! I was right!

insanewitchbella: Mwahahaha!

halfbloodprince: You _do _realize that you're expendable Pettigrew?

scabberstherat: Uh...

malfoyofthelusciouslips: I told you I wasn't Lucius.

malfoysr: Ah ha! So _you're_ the one!

halfbloodprince: The one what?

malfoysr: The one who's been using that name! People think its me and BAM lip jokes!

malfoyofthelusciouslips: Piss off.

insanewitchbella: Mwahahaha!

scabberstherat: But you're not Lucius, then?

halfbloodprince: I thought that that had been made exceedingly clear, Pettigrew.

malfoysr: I demand that you tell me who you are!

malfoyofthelusciouslips: Shan't tell.

insanewitchbella: Mwahahaha!

malfoysr: Tell. Me. Now.

malfoyofthelusciouslips: I shan't.

scabberstherat: If we guess will you tell?

malfoyofthelusciouslips: Perhaps...

scabberstherat: Oooooh! Are you Potter?????

insanewitchbella: Mwahahaha!

halfbloodprince: What a stupid question, Pettigrew.

scabberstherat: What? It could be Potter!!

halfbloodprince: I doubt that Potter has sufficient enough intelligence to string two words together.

malfoysr: Silence! Are you Potter?

malfoyofthelusciouslips: Nope.

halfbloodprince: Parkinson?

insanewitchbella: Mwahahaha!

scabberstherat: You thought mine was stupid?!

halfbloodprince: I _know _yours was stupid, Pettigrew.

scabberstherat: Potter can type properly! Have you _ever _seen _her _type?

halfbloodprince: No Pettigrew! I don't often chat with my students!

halfbloodprince: ... wait... when did _you _see her type Pettigrew?

scabberstherat: Funny story, that.

insanewitchbella: Mwahahaha!

malfoysr: Be silent! Are you Parkinson?

malfoyofthelusciouslips: Nay. One more guess you have.

malfoysr: Er... Draco?

halfbloodprince: Lucius! Have you ever heard your son say 'nay'?!

malfoysr: I wouldn't know... We don't really talk. That's his mother's job.

scabberstherat: ... wow.

insanewitchbella: Mwahahaha!

halfbloodprince: _Are _you Draco?

malfoyofthelusciouslips: Yup.

malfoysr: What?!

insanewitchbella: Mwahahaha!

malfoyofthelusciouslips: Hey! I told you earlier! It isn't _my_ fault that those two nitwits didn't believe me!

halfbloodprince: ... _did you just call me a nitwit?_

scabberstherat: Yeah, he did. Personally, I agree.

malfoyofthelusciouslips: Oh damn. . 

_malfoyofthelusciouslips has left the chat._

malfoysr: Draco! Get back here! _We need to talk._ Luscious lips! Honestly!

_malfoysr has left the chat_

insanewitchbella: Mwahahaha!

halfbloodprince: Pettigrew?

scabberstherat: What?

halfbloodprince: You think I'm a nitwit?

scabberstherat: Uh... Maybe? . 

halfbloodprince: You remember what I said about you being expendable? That still applies.

_scabberstherat has left the chat._

halfbloodprince: Coward.

_halfbloodprince has left the chat._

insanewitchbella: Mwahahaha!

insanewitchbella: ... wait...

insanewitchbella: Where did everyone go:(

_insanewitchbella has left the chat._


	7. Teacher's Chat Room

**Teachers Chat Room**

_kittykittykittycat has joined the chat._

_lemondropsaremygod has joined the chat._

kittykittykittycat: Albus?

lemondropsaremygod: Ah! Minerva! Care for a lemon drop?

kittykittykittycat: What?

_halfbloodprince has joined the chat._

lemondropsaremygod: Severus! I was just asking Minerva if she cared for a lemon drop! How about you, my boy?

halfbloodprince: It would be rather... difficult, for you to give me a lemon drop, Albus.

lemondropsaremygod: Ah, that's what you think.

kittykittykittycat: _Especially _considering that we're at opposite ends of the school.

lemondropsaremygod: Would you care for a lemon drop, Minerva?

halfbloodprince: Headmaster, I believe we already explained how difficult it would be for you to give us a lemon drop.

kittykittykittycat: Exactly! See? Severus and I actually agree! You know how rare that is!

lemondropsaremygod: Minerva, I assure you, if you desire a lemon drop, I can provide instantaneously.

_queenofdabooks has joined the chat._

kittykittykittycat: Irma! Thank god!

queenofdabooks: What?

lemondropsaremygod: Care for a lemon drop, Madame Pince?

halfbloodprince: I would be grateful if you would be so kind as to _explain _to Albus that he _cannot _provide us with _lemon drops _whilst we are in a _chat room_.

queenofdabooks: Albus, it's impossible to do that.

lemondropsaremygod: Ah, that's what _you _think.

kittykittykittycat: How is it that I just _know_ that your eyes are twinkling in a most annoying fashion?

lemondropsaremygod: That's probably because they are. :P

halfbloodprince: Albus! Listen! It is _impossible to give lemon drops though a chat room!_

lemondropsaremygod: I will not be convinced otherwise. Now, I shall ask again. Does anyone care for a lemon drop?

kittykittykittycat: Fine! I give up! _May I have a lemon drop Albus?_

queenofdabooks: You have a toothpick for a backbone.

lemondropsaremygod: Of course Minerva.

kittykittykittycat: Oh my lord.

halfbloodprince: What happened?

kittykittykittycat: I actually got a lemon drop!

queenofdabooks: What?

kittykittykittycat: I asked for one and 'POOF' it was there!

halfbloodprince: I remain unconvinced.

queenofdabooks: Ditto.

lemondropsaremygod: Ah, I shall supply the two of you with one as well then.

queenofdabooks: Oh dear god.

halfbloodprince: Sweet Merlin.

lemondropsaremygod: It appears that I was correct?

queenofdabooks: That's really creepy.

_queenofdabooks has left the chat._

halfbloodprince: How did you do it Albus?

lemondropsaremygod: That's for me to know. Only me.

_halfbloodprince has left the chat room._

kittykittykittycat: I shouldn't have doubted you.

kittykittykittycat: But, Irma's right. That is really creepy.

_kittykittykittycat has left the chat._

lemondropsaremygod: It was magic! I think these muggle machines have gotten to their heads...

_lemondropsaremygod has left the chat._

A/N: Uh... I have no idea where these stupid ideas come from... I just think of a title and wing it. Expect more within a few days.


	8. Prankster's Chat Room

**Prankster's Chat Room**

_forgeweasley has joined the chat._

_gredweasley has joined the chat._

forgeweasley: Gred! Absolutely smashing to see you:)

gredweasley: Same to you old boy! Spiffing:)

forgeweasley: Fantastic!

gredweasley: Marvelous!

forgeweasley: Magnificent!

gredweasley: Superb!

_gryffie4ever has joined the chat._

forgeweasley: Harry?

gredweasley: What're you-

forgeweasley: doing here?

gryffie4ever: My dad was a prankster so... yeah.

forgeweasley: Your father was a-

gredweasley: prankster?

gryffie4ever: Yeah...?

gredweasley: Harry! Why did you never-

forgeweasley: tell us?

gryffie4ever: It never came up...

_moonythemagnificent has joined the chat._

forgeweasley: Moony?! O.o

gredweasley: As in Moony of the Marauders?!

moonythemagnificent: Uh, yeah.

gryffie4ever: Moony, how've you been?

moonythemagnificent: Oh, fine. How bout you Harry? Anything new happening?

forgeweasley: Wait. Harry, are you telling is that you _knew _who the Marauders were-

gredweasley: and you _never told us_?!

gryffie4ever: Um... yes?

forgeweasley: May we ask-

gredweasley: why?!

gryffie4ever: It never came up.

moonythemagnificent: You two know me, too.

forgeweasley: Oh great Moony! We-

gredweasley: genuflect at your feet!

forgeweasley: genuflects

gredweasley: ditto

gryffie4ever: Why don't you two just _ask _him who he is?

forgeweasley: Have you no-

gredweasley: respect for the Marauders, Harry? We can't simply-

forgeweasley: _ask _who they are!

gredweasley: We have to-

forgeweasley: earn it!

moonythemagnificent: I assure you boys, you don't have to _earn _it.

gredweasley: The great Moony! Both ingenious and-

forgeweasley: kind!

gredweasley: grovels

forgeweasley: grovels

moonythemagnificent: Please... no groveling... . 

gryffie4ever: Oh for god's sake! Moony's Remus Lupin, you nitwits.

gredweasley: Are my ears-

forgeweasley: er, eyes deceiving me!

gredweasley: Surely the great Moony couldn't be a-

forgeweasley: former professor!

gredweasley: The outrage!

forgeweasley: The scandal!

moonythemagnificent: It's me. However, I don't want you two following my example!

gryffie4ever: Bit too late for that.

gredweasley: We agree-

forgeweasley: with Harry.

gredweasley: It's _far _too late-

forgeweasley: for that.

moonythemagnificent: At least we didn't influence you directly.

gredweasley: That's what you think. ;)

gryffie4ever: Marauders Map, Remus.

forgeweasley: Shhh Harry!

gredweasley: You gave away-

forgeweasley: the surprise!

moonythemagnificent: So that's how Harry got it.

gredweasley: Uh-

forgeweasley: yeah.

_padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes has joined the chat._

moonythemagnificent: Flamingoes, Padfoot?

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Shut it, Moony. They're creepy.

gredweasley: It's a gift from god!

forgeweasley: Padfoot!

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Er... Moony, what's going on?

gryffie4ever: They're hero-worshipping you and Remus.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Oh. No one's done that since Hogwarts.

gredweasley: You knew who-

forgeweasley: Padfoot was, too?

gredweasley: I'm saddened, Harry. :(

gryffie4ever: Honestly, _who is Moony's best friend_?

forgeweasley: Er... Padfoot.

gryffie4ever: sighs Who is _Remus's _best friend?!

gredweasley: That'd be-

forgeweasley: Sirius...

gredweasley: But, surely-

forgeweasley: it's not...

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: They seem to have discovered me, Moony.

moonythemagnificent: Yes, because you were hiding it _so _well.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Did I detect a hint of sarcasm in that statement?

moonythemagnificent: _NO._

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Sarcasm's a bad habit to get into, Moony.

gredweasley: Sirius! Why did you never-

forgeweasley: tell us!

gredweasley: You could have shared-

forgeweasley: your knowledge!

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Moony forbad me to.

gredweasley: Professor!

forgeweasley: _Why_?

gryffie4ever: I'd like to know that too, actually.

moonythemagnificent: Because he would corrupt you all.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Why I'd never!

moonythemagnificent: Liar.

gredweasley: Professor!

forgeweasley: Moony.

gredweasley: Remus.

forgeweasley: Let us be the first to assure you-

gredweasley: that we have always been corrupted:)

gryffie4ever: Let me be the second to assure you. From what I've heard, they always _have _been.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: See Moony? Ha. Moony was proven _wrong. _Moony was proven _wrong._

moonythemagnificent: Do any of you know how much it costs to neuter a dog?

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: gulps.

moonythemagnificent: Yeah, that's what I thought.

gryffie4ever: Well that was out of character Remus.

moonythemagnificent: You think that years with Sirius and your father didn't teach me anything?

forgeweasley: Harry you said earlier that-

gredweasley: your father was a prankster.

forgeweasley: _What was his name_?

gryffie4ever: James. :)

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Oh, Harry. Don't spoil their fun.

moonythemagnificent: Harry's father was Prongs.

gryffie4ever: Thanks. I was _going _to hold that over their heads, but _nooooo._

gredweasley: Harry!

forgeweasley: D'you know what this makes you?!

gryffie4ever: Er... what?

gredweasley: The Spawn of Prongs!

gryffie4ever: Yeah, I _really _want to be referred to as 'The Spawn of Prongs'. Almost as good as 'Slytherin's Heir'.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: That's what you are though, Harry! The Spawn of Prongs... it has a nice ring to it.

moonythemagnificent: Don't deny your heritage, Harry.

forgeweasley: See even-

gredweasley: Sirius and Remus think so!

gryffie4ever: I can tell whose wide _they're _on.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: grin

forgeweasley: Who's Wormtail-

gredweasley: then?

moonythemagnificent: We do not speak of the traitor.

gryffie4ever: We maim him.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: And cause physical, and perhaps physiological, damage.

forgeweasley: Well, isn't that-

gredweasley: pleasant?

gryffie4ever: If you really want to know, ask Ron or something.

forgeweasley: Wait... are you telling me that-

gredweasley: our _darling _brother knew who the Marauders were and never-

forgeweasley: told us?

gryffie4ever: Yeah, that about sums it up.

moonythemagnificent: He's actually known since his third year.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Yeah, _that's _going to help him, Moony.

gredweasley: Excuse us while we-

forgeweasley: have a _chat _with our brother. :)

_gredweasley has left the chat._

_forgeweasley has left the chat._

moonythemagnificent: Weren't you the one preaching about how sarcasm was a bad habit?

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Yeah... so?

moonythemagnificent: That last comment, before the twins left, was distinctly sarcastic.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: No!

gryffie4ever: Yeah, actually, it was.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: No, I was being Sirius! Not that I'm not usually...

moonythemagnificent: I swear on everything good and holy that if you _ever _make that joke again I will find a pair of rusty hedge clippers, tie you down, and castrate you myself!

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Harry... my beloved godson... you'll protect me from mean, old Moony. Won't you?

gryffie4ever: Sorry Sirius. You got into this mess yourself. XD

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Eep.

_padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes has left the chat._

moonythemagnificent: Shall I chase him?

gryffie4ever: I do believe that would be the proper thing to do.

moonythemagnificent: Alrighty then, ta ta, Harry.

_moonythemagnificent has left the chat._

_scabberstherat has joined the chat._

gryffie4ever: You're gonna be castrated, too.

_gryffie4ever has left the chat._

scabberstherat: Damn. :(

_scabberstherat has left the chat._

A/N: Oh, in the last chapter, to clarify, the lemon drops came, literally, _through _the computer. Sirius fearing flamingoes is from Blindfolded, another of my one-shots. Uh, I dunno how long this storyish thing is going to be. Did I get the characters personalities right in this chapter?


	9. Harry Potter Fanclub Chat Room

A/N: This one isn't as funny as I hoped it would be...

I also would have had this for you 2 days ago, but the first day my mum wouldn't let me on the net and the second day wouldn't let me login.

**Harry Potter Fanclub Chat Room**

_elbowinthebutterdish has joined the chat._

_creevy401 has joined the chat._

_creevy402 has joined the chat,_

elbowinthebutterdish: Hey Colin, Dennis.

creevy401: Hey Ginny.

creevy402: Hiya.

elbowinthebutterdish: Hey Colin?

creevy401: Yeah?

elbowinthebutterdish: Have you acquired the object yet?

creevy402: Oooooh _that _object! Have ya Colin? Have ya?!

creevy401: After many hours of hard work and toil, I have it.

elbowinthebutterdish: Excellent. I was beginning to worry.

creevy401: D'you think Harry will notice a piece of his hair is missing?

elbowinthebutterdish: I doubt it. He didn't notice when a pair of his boxers, his dirty socks, and his soap went missing, now did he?

creevy402: No, no he didn't! Did he Colin?!

creevy401: I don't think so, but he seemed to be being extra careful.

elbowinthebutterdish: How so?

creevy401: He slept with all the lights on and with his wand in his hand.

elbowinthebutterdish: ... his _wand _in his hand? Don't boys do that...?

creevy401: His _magical _wand, not the other. Get your mind out of the gutter!

elbowinthebutterdish: Oops...

creevey402: Oooooooh! How did ya get the hair then, Colin?!

creevey401: Chloroform.

elbowinthebutterdish: You mean that green stuff in plants?

creevey401: It knocks you out.

elbowinthebutterdish: Now, what else is required?

creevey401: Uh, we still need his toenail clipping and some saliva...

creevey402: Oooooh! We should steal his toothbrush! Can we?!

elbowinthebutterdish: Sure. Dennis, you get the toothbrush. Colin, you get clippings.

creevey401: What are you going to do, Ginny?

elbowinthebutterdish: Observe and plan.

creevey401: Hm.

elbowinthebutterdish: Hey! It's hard!

creevey401: I never said that it wasn't!

elbowinthebutterdish: That's what you insinuated...

creevy401: No I didn't!

creevy402: No he didn't! Did you Colin?!

creevy401: No I didn't, Dennis.

elbowinthebutterdish: I'm offended, regardless.

creevy401: Alright then. Ginny?

elbowinthebutterdish: Yeah?

creevy401: I need you to get your brother to distract Harry. If all else fails, do it yourself.

elbowinthebutterdish: How could I distract him?

creevy402: Yeah! How! How?!

creevy401: I dunno, tell him that a crazed fan girl is searching the castle for him, wearing only a towel. Tell him he'll only be safe if he hides in the Chamber Of Secrets or something.

elbowinthebutterdish: ... how the _hell _did you think that up.

creevy401: I always dreamed of doing that...

creevy402: Yeah, yeah! Me too! How about you Ginny?!

elbowinthebutterdish: I'd really rather not stoop to that level.

creevy401: Excuse me? May I remind you, 'His eyes are green as pickled toad'?

elbowinthebutterdish: Shut it, Creevy.

creevy402: I'm a Creevy too!

elbowinthebutterdish: Why did we let him join?

creevy401: I dunno. Cause mummy told me she'd take away my Unauthorized Biography of Harry? 

elbowinthebutterdish: Ah, right.

creevy402: Something bad's about to happen.

creevy401: What?

creevy402: I always was good at Divination, and something's about to happen.

elbowinthebutterdish: Weirdo...

_gryffie4ever has joined the chat._

gryffie4vever: What the _hell _do you think you're doing?!

elbowinthebutterdish: Uh... fanclubbing?

creevey401: Worshipping?

gryffie4ever: What the _hell_? You're collecting my things and _body parts_?!

elbowinthebutterdish: Harry! Don't tell Ron! He'll murder me!

gryffie4ever: You don't want me to tell my best friend that his little sister and her friends want my _toenails_?!

_bookwormgrangerheart 3 has joined the chat._

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Ginny... why?

gryffie4ever: I want to know that, too.

creevy402: We wanted to make a fan club! How'd you like it? Huh? Huh, Harry?!

bookwormgrangerheart 3: How the hell do you think he likes it! You're all stalking him!

gryffie4ever: Exactly! That's _exactly _what you're doing! You're all stalkers!

elbowinthebutterdish: We are not stalkers!

gryffie4ever: And _you're _the one who sent the pickled toad poem!

elbowinthebutterdish: That wasn't me!

creevy401: Liar...

elbowinthebutterdish: Hey! Whose side are you on, then?

creevy402: We're both on Harry's.

elbowinthebutterdish: Traitors.

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Hello? Still here!

gryffie4ever: So am I!

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Should you get a restraining order?

gryffie4ever: Can I?

bookwormgrangerheart 3: You should...

creevy401: Noooooooooooo! Not a restraining order!

creevy402: We'll stop stalking and collecting! We just want to be near you!

gryffie4ever: No more stalking?

creevy401: None!

gryffie4ever: Alright them.

creevy402: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

_creevy401 has left the chat._

_creevy402 has left the chat._

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Don't think we've forgotten _you _little miss 'Lets Stalk My Brother's Friend'!

elbowinthebutterdish: It was not stalking!

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Shall I tell mum, then?

elbowinthebutterdish: No! Not her!

gryffie4ever: No more stalking?

elbowinthebutterdish: Fine. And it wasn't stalking.

gryffie4ever: I also want _all _of my things back.

elbowinthebutterdish: Can't we at least keep your hair...?

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Mum.

elbowinthebutterdish: Fine.

_elbowinthebutterdish has left the chat._

gryffe4ever: I'm still getting a restraining order.

bookwormgrangerheart 3: I was just about to suggest that, mate.

_gryffie4ever has left the chat._

_bookwormgrangerheart 3 has left the chat._

A/N: I'm dreadfully sorry for how long it took for this to get to you (I'm also dreadfully sorry for the poor quality...). But, I left for my dad's the day after I posted last, and I was there for about 5 days. As he has no Internet, I couldn't post. But I hadn't written anything, anyway... Any who, I hope to have more for you in a few days.


	10. Trelawny Haters Chat Room

A/N: This chapter isn't very funny... sorry...

**Trelawny Haters Chat Room**

_gryffie4ever has joined the chat._

_bookworm500 has joined the chat._

_bookwormgrangerheart 3 has joined the chat._

gryffie4ever: Wow.

bookworm500: What is it, Harry?

gryffie4ever: How is it that Trelawny got her own hate room?

bookwormgrangerheart 3: I dunno, how is it that you got your own hate room?

bookworm500: Depressing, isn't it?

bookwormgrangerheart 3: But, maybe she has her own hate room because she's a right old fraud.

bookworm500: I wonder who'll actually show up here...

gyffie4ever: I dunno, wouldn't it be funny if McGonagall showed up?

bookworm500: That wouldn't happen, they're both teachers.

gryffie4ever: Still, it'd be funny.

bookwormgrangerheart 3: That it would be.

gryffie4ever: I bet she will...

bookworm500: She wouldn't!

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Hermione's right, mate; they _are _both teachers.

gryffie4ever: I'll bet you 5 sickles that she will.

bookwormgrangerheart 3: You're on.

_lavlav410 has joined the chat._

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Lavender?

gryffie4ever: I thought you loved Trelawny?

lavlav410: I do. I only came here to tell you that you're horrible people to doubt her.

bookworm500: Doubt what? God knows she doesn't even _act _like a Seer!

lavlav410: And how would you know that? I don't remember _you _showing any talent in the mystic art of Divination!

bookworm500: That's because it's a crackpot subject! And, really, the_ mystic art_? You want to know of a mystic art? Arithmacy. Far more 'mystic' than _Divination_.

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Girl fight, much?

gryffie4ever: Shhh, don't make them angry...

lavlav410: Excuse me? You're just jealous that I'm better than you at something!

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Oooh, low blow.

bookworm500: Better than me at what? A subject that carries no weight in the real world? I'd rather that you be better than me in _Divination_,rather than a subject that's for _smart _people!

bookwormgrangerheart 3: A quick response from Hermione, she must be pissed.

lavlav410: Are you saying I'm dumb?!

bookwormgrangerheart 3: That's self-explanatory. I have no witty remarks. You expect too much from me.

bookworm500: No, I'm saying that you're only good at subjects that a one-eyed, half dead butterfly could do!

bookwormgrangerheart 3: gasp The horror!

lavlav410: Well that butterfly beat you at it!

bookworm410: Yes. I'm in complete fear of the butterfly. Please. Harry, Ron, someone. Save me from the dastardly butterfly.

bookwormgrangerheart 3: I didn't know she could be sarcastic...

lavlav410: I do not have to take this!

bookworm500: Then don't! You're the one who came in here preaching about Divination!

lavlav410: You're an idiot.

_lavlav410 has left the chat._

bookwormgrangerheart 3: On what planet are you an idiot?

bookworm500: I don't know... God, she irritates me so much.

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Don't worry. She bugs us all.

bookworm500: Where's Harry?

bookwormgrangerheart 3: I dunno, he just stopped talking...

gryffie4ever: Hey, guys.

bookworm500: Where were you, Harry?

gryffie4ever: I was here. Just watching Hermione and Lavender duke it out.

bookworm500: 'Duke it out'? We were discussing it in a civilized manner! Something that _you _may not be familiar with.

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Are you serious? That was a 'civilized manner'? I'd hate to see an uncivilized manner.

gryffie4ever: Was that a jab at me, Hermione?

bookworm500: ... no.

gryffie4ever: I do so discuss things in a civilized manner!

bookworm500: First year when you decided to duel Malfoy?

gryffie4ever: A fluke. _And_, if I remember correctly, _you're _the one who whacked him!

bookwormgrangerheart 3: And a damn good whack it was, too.

bookworm500: You shouldn't support violence, Ronald.

bookwormgrangerheart 3: How can I not! That's the day Hermione grew up. sniffles

gryffie4ever: Sniffles?

bookwormgrangerheart 3: It's a very touching memory!

bookworm500: Wow.

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Shut it...

_kittykittykittycat has joined the chat._

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Y'know what Harry?

gryffie4ever: What?

bookwormgrangerheart 3: I was wrong when I said she was a fraud! She must have been doing something right! You _knew _McGonagall was going to join!

bookworm500: Oh, please Ronald. It was a lucky guess!

gryffie4ever: Hey! You might just be right! Wow... Guess we should leave her hate room, then?

bookwormgrangerheart 3: S'pose.

gryffie4ever: You owe me 5 sickles.

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Damn.

_gryffie4ever has left the chat._

_bookwormgrangerheart 3 has left the chat._

bookworm500: Honestly... Boys...

_bookworm500 has left the chat._

kittykittykittycat: ...

kittykittykittycat: Is this what they do with their spare time?

kittykittykittycat: They need more homework... I'll get right on that...

_kittykittykittycat has left the chat._

A/N: I was off the computer for 2 days, then I come back and I have 54 reviews! I love you all! I'll try to have more within 5 days.


	11. Former DADA Teachers Chat Room

A/N: Eek, I am so, _so, SO _sorry for the lack of humor in this chapter. I know, I suck.

**Former DADA Teachers Chat Room**

_moonythemagnificent has joined the chat._

_idonotlooklikeatoad has joined the chat._

idonotlooklikeatoad: Filthy half-breed.

moonythemagnificent: ...what?

idonotlooklikeatoad: You're a werewolf. Therefore, a filthy half-breed.

moonythemagnificent: I'm not even going to respond to that.

_lockxoxmyxoxhartxoxaway has joined the chat._

moonythemagnificent: Who're you?

lockxoxmyxoxhartxoxaway: Lockhart! Would you like my autograph?

moonythemagnificent: Er, no thanks. Perhaps another time.

lockxoxmyxoxhartxoxaway: Very well then! I _have _been practicing, you know. The nurse says I'm getting much, much better!

idonotlooklikeatoad: Lockhart? As in _Gilderoy Lockhart_?

lockxoxmyxoxhartxoxaway: The same.

idonotlooklikeatoad: Omg! I am _such _a big fan! I particularly like that one book of yours! You know? The one where you kill that half-breed?

moonythemagnificent: I dislike you already.

idonotlooklikeatoad: Silence, half-breed! You are not to speak while Gilderoy is speaking!

lockxoxmyxoxhartxoxaway: Ah, don't fret. I'm sure he's only trying to bask in the radiated glory!

moonythemagnificent: Yes, I _really _want to, ahem, 'bask in the radiated glory' as you so _eloquently _put it.

lockxoxmyxoxhartxoxaway: Doesn't everyone?

moonythemagnificent: ... I'm afraid not.

lockxoxmyxoxhartxoxaway: I can fix that. Just come to me with a brussel sprout, half a pound of newt eyes, the toenails of an Albanian Chimpanzee and 13 cups of crushed unicorn horn and I'll have you right as rain!

moonythemagnificent: Hm.

idonotlooklikeatoad: Don't doubt him! Ah, Gilderoy. Is there anything you can't do?

lockxoxmyxoxhartxoxaway: I can't seem to find any pudding. Be a dear and pick some up for me?

idonotlooklikeatoad: Oh, of course! Right away!

_idonotlooklikeatoad has left the chat._

lockxoxmyxoxhartxoxaway: Delightful woman. Not many would find me pudding.

moonythemagnificent: Me being one of them.

_turbanmaster has joined the chat._

moonythemagnificent: Who're you then?

turbanmaster: Is it not obvious in my name?

moonythemagnificent: I'm afraid not.

turbanmaster: I am... Quirrell.

lockxoxmyxoxhartxoxaway: Aren't you that bloke with that man in the back of his head?

moonythemagnificent: Right! The DADA teacher in Harry's first year.

turbanmaster: Correct. Why is it that you refer to different years as 'Harry's first year' or 'Harry's second year'?

moonythemagnificent: I... don't know. It just seems natural.

lockxoxmyxoxhartxoxaway: Odd.

turbanmaster: Indeed.

moonythemagnificent: Wait, now lets not get off topic. Aren't you dead?

turbanmaster: Dead?

moonythemagnificent: Dead, as in deceased? Extinct? No longer among the living?

turbanmaster: Oh, yes.

lockxoxmyxoxhartxoxaway: Would you care for my autograph?

turbanmaster: No.

lockxoxmyxoxhartxoxaway: Drat.

moonythemagnificent: Then how is it that you're still alive?

turbanmaster: I'm not.

moonythemagnificent: Then how are you talking to us?

turbanmaster: I'm not.

lockxoxmyxoxhartxoxaway: I'm confused.

moonythemagnificent: Wait... what?

turbanmaster: They have computers over here.

moonythemagnificent: Where's here?

turbanmaster: I don't know where here is, where's there?

moonythemagnificent: There is here.

lockxoxmyxoxhartxoxaway: I'm still confused.

turbanmaster: Ah, how then can you every be sure that there is actually here and not there?

moonythemagnificent: You can't. You have to trust that there is here and not actually there, because if here was there, then you'd know it.

lockxoxmyxoxhartxoxaway: Fine, I'll just sit here. Still confused.

turbanmaster: Very wise. For that, I shall enlighten you as the where I am.

moonythemagnificent: And where is that?

turbanmaster: Here.

lockxoxmyxoxhartxoxaway: Am I the only confused one here?

moonythemagnificent: Thanks. That _really _helps.

_idonotlooklikeatoad has joined the chat._

lockxoxmyxoxhartxoxaway: Do you have my pudding?

idonotlooklikeatoad: I'm afraid not. There was an intervention and I'm no longer allowed to access the pudding.

lockxoxmyxoxhartxoxaway: Then you are of no use to me.

_lockxoxmyxoxhartxoxaway has left the chat._

idonotlooklikeatoad: Wait, my love! I haven't yet gotten your autograph!

_idonotlooklikeatoad has left the chat._

moonythemagnificent: Are you still there?

turbanmaster: Who are you to dictate where there is? For all you know, there could still be here.

moonythemagnificent: I'm not starting up with that again.

_moonythemagnificent has left the chat._

turbanmaster: What? I think my ideas are rather ingenious.

turbanmaster: Oh, BTW, if you come back later, a couple up here says 'Hi'. A very nice couple, too. Red headed lady, green eyes? The man, messy hair, glasses? Recognize them?

turbanmaster: Oh well. You're gone anyway...

_turbanmaster has left the chat._

A/N: Awwwwwww. Poor Moony. Anyway, I repeat, I am very sorry for how bad this chapter was. But I wrote it at my friend's house a little after four in the morning. Again, sorry.


	12. Marauder's Chat Room

A/N: It was brought to my attention that I forgot Mad-Eye in the previous chapter, and yes, I suppose I did. But afterwards I was thinking about it, and Mad-Eye wasn't really their teacher, that was Barty Crouch Jr. And, as I think he was given the Dementor's Kiss, he would have been able to join it anyway.

**Marauder's Chat Room**

_moonythemagnificent has joined the chat._

_padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes has joined the chat._

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Hey Moony?

moonythemagnificent: Yeah?

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Why is there a Marauder's Chat Room?

moonythemagnificent: Didn't you make it?

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: No...

moonythemagnificent: Are you sure?

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: No, I made a chat room without knowing it. Of course I'm sure!

moonythemagnificent: Why _would _anyone make a Marauder's Chat Room anyway?

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: I dunno, why would they?

moonythemagnificent: Would I have asked you if I knew?

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Yes.

moonythemagnificent: No I wouldn't.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Yeah, you would have.

moonythemagnificent: Why would I do that?

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: I dunno, remember Hogwarts? When you'd ask me Potions questions that I _obviously _didn't know, but you did know.

moonythemagnificent: That was for studying purposes.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: So? It's still a question that you asked me that you knew already. I seem to be proving you wrong a lot lately.

moonythemagnificent: We seem to have strayed off topic. Why is there A Marauder Chat Room?

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: I thought I told you already, I don't know. If I did, I'd tell you. But, I don't so I can't. Fancy to venture a guess?

moonythemagnificent: Did you start it?

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: No.

moonythemagnificent: Are you sure?

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Oh, Moony. I admit it. I actually started this chat room in a desperate attempt to get you to talk to me again. sniffles You seem to be ignoring me!

moonythemagnificent: Really?

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: No.

moonythemagnificent: You're overly sarcastic.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: It's not my fault that sarcasm seems to be a foreign language to you.

moonythemagnificent: Yes, Padfoot. Sarcasm is a 'foreign language' to me. Of course.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: I was right again!

moonythemagnificent: That was sarcasm.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: No it wasn't.

moonythemagnificent: Yeah, it was.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: No.

moonythemagnificent: I'd think that I'd know the tone of my voice better than you.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: That's all good for you, but you don't use your voice in the chat room. You type.

moonythemagnificent: That was sarcastic typing.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: No it wasn't.

moonythemagnificent: Fine, if you're convinced that it wasn't sarcastic, you go ahead and think that.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Are you talking down to me?

moonythemagnificent: No.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Because, if I may remind you, I'm taller than you! So you _can't _talk down to me!

moonythemagnificent: Firstly, it's a saying. You don't actual talk _down _to them. Secondly, you are not!

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Yeah, by like two inches.

moonythemagnificent: No, you're only taller than me when you're wearing your high heels!

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: What?! I do _not _wear high heels!

moonythemagnificent: You do, I've seen you in them!

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: C'mon! That was 7th year! I was drunk!

moonythemagnificent: So? You still put them on.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: It's not my fault that you and James thought that it'd be funny to trick a drunk Padfoot into dressing like a girl...

moonythemagnificent: And it wasn't our fault that you, firstly, got drunk and, secondly, can't hold your liquor well.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: But you took advantage of my inebriated state!

moonythemagnificent: Where'd you learn that word?

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: The back of a shampoo bottle.

moonythemagnificent: Why would the word 'inebriated' be on the back of a shampoo bottle?

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: I dunno, ask the shampoo makers.

moonythemagnificent: Why were you reading the back of a shampoo bottle in the first place?

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Seemed like a good idea at the time.

moonythemagnificent: What did we learn about your, supposed, 'good ideas'?

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: That they weren't good ideas?

moonythemagnificent: Exactly.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: But, c'mon, how much harm could reading the back of a shampoo bottle do?

moonythemagnificent: You tell me that when your eyeballs fall out.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Wait, what? What about my eyeballs Moony?!

moonythemagnificent: Now they're going to fall out.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Noooooooooooo! Not my b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l eyes!

moonythemagnificent: Conceited, much?

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: You're joking, aren't you Moony? Aren't you?

moonythemagnificent: Yeah.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Good...

moonythemagnificent: At least, I think I'm joking...

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: What?!

moonythemagnificent: That was a joke too, Padfoot.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Well it wasn't very funny.

moonythemagnificent: Oh, it was. The humor just seems to be lost on you.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: It wasn't funny...

moonythemagnificent: What ever you say, Padfoot.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: smug look

moonythemagnificent: Look smug all you want, I'm not the one who decided to dress like a woman.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: I didn't decide to! You all tricked me!

moonythemagnificent: That we did. smug look

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: You're not allowed to look smug!

moonythemagnificent: And why is that?

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: You just aren't.

moonythemagnificent: And this could be because I just bested you in an argument?

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: You didn't best me!

moonythemagnificent: Ah, dear Padfoot. I did.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: No.

moonythemagnificent: Don't be petulant.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: I'm not.

moonythemagnificent: And don't lie, either.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: I'm not!

moonythemagnificent: What did say about lying?

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Shut it.

moonythemagnificent: Don't talk to me that way!

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: I hate you, Mommy!

moonythemagnificent: I will not be spoken to that way!

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Yes you will!

moonythemagnificent: Go to your room, young man!

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: No! I want to move in with daddy!

moonythemagnificent: Go then! Write me when you get there!

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: I will!

moonythemagnificent: Fine then!

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: What was that?

moonythemagnificent: I... I don't know.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: gasp Remus doesn't know something!

moonythemagnificent: I'm not omnipotent.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Omni- what?

moonythemagnificent: It means that I don't know everything.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Oh, yes you do.

moonythemagnificent: No, I don't.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Fine, you know the important things.

moonythemagnificent: And what would you term as the 'important things'?

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Oh, important things.

moonythemagnificent: Yes, that really helps.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Good.

moonythemagnificent: I don't even want know. Doubtlessly, it'll be something that I could do without.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Yup.

moonythemagnificent: Hm.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Heh heh heh.

moonythemagnificent: Did you giggle?

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: No...

moonythemagnificent: So first you wear high heels and now you giggle?

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: I didn't wear them of my own choice! And I didn't giggle!

moonythemagnificent: You wrote 'heh heh heh'.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: That was a masculine chuckle.

moonythemagnificent: Masculine chuckles don't go 'heh heh heh'.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Yes they do.

moonythemagnificent: Fine, you chuckled a masculine chuckle. Happy Siriusana?

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Yes. Wait, what?

moonythemagnificent: If you're going to be a girl, you need a girly name to go along with it.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: I'm not a girl...

moonythemagnificent: Yes, sulking will convince me otherwise.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: HEY! I'm not the one who PMS's every month!

moonythemagnificent: What? How do I PMS?!

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Pre Moon Syndrome. Heh heh heh...

moonythemagnificent: Yeah, well. You giggled again!

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: It was a masculine chuckle, Remusatrix.

moonythemagnificent: What type of name is that?

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: I don't know! It was hard to think up a name...

moonythemagnificent: If you ever have children, I pity them.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Hey! No one in my family is a good namer...

moonythemagnificent: That much I can tell due to names like 'Sirius' and 'Regulus'.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: My name's better than yours!

moonythemagnificent: Noooo. You're named after stars!

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Yes, stars. One day, I will be famous.

moonythemagnificent: One day? Hate to break it to you Padfoot, but you're already famous. Just for the wrong reasons.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: sticks out tongue

moonythemagnificent: sticks out tongue

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: sticks tongue out further

moonythemagnificent: sticks tongue out further than Padfoot

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: cuts off Moony's tongue Ha! Now I have your tongue! I win!

moonythemagnificent: ... I can cut bits of you that _isn't _your tongue.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: gives Moony back his tongue Heh heh heh, here you go.

moonythemagnificent: Thank you.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: I was having fun watching your tongue hang there twitching.

moonythemagnificent: How was it twitching if you cut it off?

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: I was making it twitch.

moonythemagnificent: Weirdo.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: sticks out tongue

moonythemagnificent: I am not starting that again. cuts off Sirius's tongue

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: What?

moonythemagnificent: I caught you unawares that time! Aha!

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Meany. :(

_gredweasley has joined the chat._

_forgeweasley has joined the chat._

gredweasley: We're very disappointed-

forgeweasley: in you two.

gredweasley: Not once have you-

forgeweasley: discussed a prank.

moonythemagnificent: What did you think we did with our time? Sat around discussing pranks?

gredweasley: We were-

forgeweasley: hoping.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Tell you what, I'll tell you one anyway.

gredweasley: Really?

forgeweasley: Thanks-

gredweasley: Sirius!

moonythemagnificent: No you will not.

forgeweasley: Awwww c'mon Professor!

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Yeah! C'mon Moony! puppydog eyes Please?

gredweasley: Yeah, please? puppydog eyes

forgeweasley: puppydog eyes

moonythemagnificent: No.

gredweasley: Can you convince him, Sirius?

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: I'm afraid not. Moony's word is law.

forgeweasley: Damn, c'mon then, twin of mine.

gredweasley:(

forgeweasley:(

_gredweasley has left the chat._

_forgeweasley has left the chat._

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Awww, see Moony? You made the twins sad...

moonythemagnificent: I'll not have you corrupt them.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: puppydog eyes

moonythemagnificent: That didn't work on me during school and it won't work on me now.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Damn.

moonythemagnificent: Language.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: sticks out... wait...

moonythemagnificent: What?

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Hey Moony?

moonythemagnificent: Yeah?

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Can I have my tongue back?

moonythemagnificent: Sure. gives Sirius back his tongue

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Yay! puts back in tongue

moonythemagnificent: Happy?

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Very.

_padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes has left the chat._

_moonythemagnificent has left the chat._

A/N: Yeah, the whole fight when Sirius called Remus 'Mommy' is actually based on a few fights I've had with my mum.

Okay, two things.

One, sorry about the lack of characters. But Sirius and Remus are awesome, so I hope you'll forgive me.

Secondly, I've kind of run dry of ideas, could you tell? Anyway, if anyone has an idea that they think would be a good topic for a chat room, I'd love to hear it. You would be credited.


	13. Killed By Voldemort Chat Room

A/N: Yeah, I'm sorry about the wait, but I had friends over for a few days and I couldn't write then. Also, I was biking with them and I was going down a hill and I, ah, I wiped out. So, now I have a concussion, fractured ribs, a sprained abdominal muscle (I dunno how I did that), and a hurt knee, I also broke my 200-dollar and some glasses, my mum wasn't pleased. My friend Taylor wiped out right after I did (she was on my step-brother's bike, it doesn't have brakes); the upside is that she wasn't hurt. Well, I spoke to her later and she said she was okay. So, my only advice is never to trust bikes. Or toads, for that matter, they'll curse you (long story). Anyway, hope you enjoy!

** WARNING - DEATHLY HALLOWS SPOILERS AT THE END OF CHAPTER **

**- while the spoilers aren't incredible (i.e. they don't get into details). It has to do with one (yes, one) character's death, so, if you don't wanna know, don't read it.**

**Killed By Voldemort Chat Room**

_oldmugglecaretaker has joined the chat._

_cedcedthedigdigboy has joined the chat._

oldmugglecaretaker: Hey, where's my tea?

cedcedthedigdigboy: Er... your tea? What tea?

oldmugglecaretaker: My tea! I was making it... and then there was green light... then there was no tea... :(

cedcedthedigdigboy: Ah, sounds like you got knocked off.

oldmugglecaretaker: Y'mean I'm... dead?

cedcedthedigdigboy: Yeah, basically.

oldmugglecaretaker: Oh. That explains the clouds and the... harps... shudders

cedcedthedigdigboy: Don't you like harps?

oldmugglecaretaker: Not since I was a boy...

cedcedthedigdigboy: What happened?

oldmugglecaretaker: Long story.

cedcedthedigdigboy: What else am I doing?

oldmugglecaretaker: Alright then. You see, when I was but a wee lad, my da was caretaker of the Riddle house before me. And, one day, he was tending to the garden when the owner threw a harp out the window.

cedcedthedigdigboy: Why did they do that?

oldmugglecaretaker: I dunno! Listen, d'you want me to continue, or would you prefer to continue asking idiotic questions?

cedcedthedigdigboy: Please, continue.

oldmugglecaretaker: Alright then, anyway, the harp suddenly grew a mouth and teeth.

cedcedthedigdigboy: Oooh, I sense a good story.

oldmugglecaretaker: It grew mouth and teeth, and it ate him.

cedcedthedigdigboy: It _ate _him?!

oldmugglecaretaker: Yeah.

cedcedthedigdigboy: How did it grow teeth after being thrown out a window?

oldmugglecaretaker: How the blaze am _I _supposed to know that? It happened, I accepted it, end of story.

cedcedthedigdigboy: Oh.

oldmugglecaretaker: Now, I have a question for you.

cedcedthedigdigboy: Hmmm?

oldmugglecaretaker: If I'm in heaven, where the blaze is the tea?!

cedcedthedigdigboy: Uh...

_myrtlethemoooooaner has joined the chat._

cedcedthedigdigboy: Myrtle?

myrtlethemoooooaner: giggles Hi Cedric.

oldmugglecaretaker: Who's this then? Does she have my tea?

cedcedthedigdigboy: No, I'm afraid not.

oldmugglecaretaker: Ah well then. If anyone's listening, I'd not mind something a tad stronger, if you understand me.

myrtlethemoooooaner: I'm listening. giggles

oldmugglecaretaker: I'm afraid that that's not what I meant.

myrtlethemoooooaner: Of course it isn't! Who wants to talk to miserable, moaning, moping Myrtle! hides in toilet

_myrtlethemoooooaner has left the chat._

oldmugglecaretaker: Uh... what's wrong with her, sonny?

cedcedthedigdigboy: No one knows. She lives in a U-bend.

oldmugglecaretaker: She lives in a toilet?

cedcedthedigdigboy: Yup.

oldmugglecaretaker: How does she fit in there then? You must be pulling my leg.

cedcedthedigdigboy: I assure you, I am not tugging on any of your limbs.

oldmugglecaretaker: That still doesn't explain how she could fit in a toilet.

cedcedthedigdigboy: Well, she's a ghost,

oldmugglecaretaker: scoffs Ghosts aren't real, they belong in fairy tales with witches and wizards.

cedcedthedigdigboy: ...

oldmugglecaretaker: What?

cedcedthedigdigboy: Has no one told you how you died?

oldmugglecaretaker: No.

cedcedthedigdigboy: You were killed by a wuzard.

oldmugglecaretaker: What's a wuzard?

cedcedthedigdigboy: What are you talking about?

oldmugglecaretaker: You just wrote it! You wrote wuzard!

cedcedthedigdigboy: Oh. Oops, typo.

oldmugglecaretaker: What did you mean then?

cedcedthedigdigboy: I meant wizard.

oldmugglecaretaker: A wizard? Now I _know _you're pulling my leg.

cedcedthedigdigboy: I already told you, I'm not tugging on any of your limbs!

oldmugglecaretaker: I'm ignoring you now.

cedcedthedigdigboy: Wait... what?

oldmugglecaretaker: ignores

cedcedthedigdigboy: Hey, you can't do this! I only told you the truth!

oldmugglecaretaker: ignores

cedcedthedigdigboy: Fine then, two can play this game!

oldmugglecaretaker: ignores

cedcedthedigdigboy: ignores

oldmugglecaretaker: ignores

cedcedthedigdigboy: ignores

_lilyflower has joined the chat._

lilyflower: Why are you two ignoring each other?

oldmugglecaretaker: Because this boy is spouting out nonsense!

cedcedthedigdigboy: He was ignoring me first!

lilyflower: What seems to be the trouble, then?

oldmugglecaretaker: He says that a _wizard _killed me! What nonsense!

lilyflower: Actually, due to the fact that you're in a 'Killed By Voldemort' chat room, then you must have been killed by a wizard.

oldmugglecaretaker: And what makes you think that?

lilyflower: Voldemort is a wizard.

oldmugglecaretaker: And he killed me?

lilyflower: Yup.

oldmugglecaretaker: Oh. Alright then.

cedcedthedigdigboy: What?! You won't believe me, but you'll believe... Uh, I'm afraid I didn't catch your name...?

lilyflower: Lily Potter.

cedcedthedigdigboy: Oh, nice to meet you. I knew your son.

lilyflower: Harry? How is he, dear?

cedcedthedigdigboy: Er, the last I remember we had been transported to a graveyard... then I died.

lilyflower: Oh, sorry about that.

cedcedthedigdigboy: It wasn't as bad as I thought it might be.

_IAMPRONGSHEARMEROAR has joined the chat._

lilyflower: Love, you know I don't approve of that name.

IAMPRONGSHEARMEROAR: But, why?

lilyflower: Stags don't roar.

IAMPRONGSHEARMEROAR: So?

lilyflower: It's incorrect.

IAMPRONGSHEARMEROAR: So?

lilyflower: Lions roar, not stags. It's misleading.

IAMPRONGSHEARMEROAR: So?

lilyflower: I give up. You can be the one and only roaring stag.

IAMPRONGSHEARMEROAR: Yay!

oldmugglecaretaker: So now there are roaring stags? This had gotten much too odd, I'm leaving in search of tea.

_oldmugglecaretaker has left the chat._

lilyflower: Anyway dear, this young man here says he knew Harry.

IAMPRONGSHEARMEROAR: Oh, did he? Does he take after his father?

cedcedthedigdigboy: How?

lilyflower: He means, does Harry cause trouble every 5 seconds?

IAMPRONGSHEARMEROAR: Hey! It was more like every 5 minutes!

lilyflower: Of course, dear.

IAMPRONGSHEARMEROAR: It was...

cedcedthedigdigboy: Er, he gets in trouble a lot.

lilyflower: Pity. I had hoped that he'd take after me.

IAMPRONGSHEARMEROAR: Ha! What does he do? Enchant Mrs. Norris blue? Hang Snivellus from his greasy hair?

lilyflower: Dear...

IAMPRONGSHEARMEROAR: Sorry Lilyflower.

cedcedthedigdigboy: Actually, no. Generally it's because he went off and saved someone else.

lilyflower: Someone _else_? I do hope that he isn't getting into too much trouble...

IAMPRONGSHEARMEROAR: If he's truly my son, then he'll be giving McGonagall hell.

lilyflower: How do you even know if Minerva still works there?

cedcedthedigdigboy: Professor McGonagall is still a teacher...

IAMPRONGSHEARMEROAR: Oh, excellent, does he give old Minnie hell?

cedcedthedigdigboy: Minnie?

IAMPRONGSHEARMEROAR: That's what Sirius and I called her. She hated it.

cedcedthedigdigboy: Even Gryffindors aren't that stupid! How did you remain, y'know, not dead?

lilyflower: He didn't.

cedcedthedigdigboy: I meant when he went to Hogwarts.

IAMPRONGSHEARMEROAR: We were fast runners.

cedcedthedigdigboy: Should we be glad that Harry didn't take after you in that aspect?

lilyflower: You should be. Very, very glad.

IAMPRONGSHEARMEROAR: Hey... I resent that...

lilyflower: You know I speak the truth.

IAMPRONGSHEARMEROAR: I know, but still...

lilyflower: James, love, dear?

IAMPRONGSHEARMEROAR: Yes, Lilyflower?

lilyflower: Suck it up.

IAMPRONGSHEARMEROAR: sad :(

_halfbloodprince has joined the chat._

lilyflower: Severus?

cedcedthedigdigboy: Professor Snape?

IAMPRONGSHEARMEROAR: _Snivellus._

cedcedthedigdigboy: Oh damn, it's Snape.

_cedcedthedigdigboy has left the chat._

lilyflower: What happened, Severus?

IAMPRONGSHEARMEROAR: Come Lily, we're leaving.

_IAMPRONGSHEARMEROAR has left the chat._

lilyflower: James'll come back in a second, come back tomorrow at 7 and I'll talk to you then.

_IAMPRONGSHEARMEROAR has joined the chat._

IAMPRONGSHEARMEROAR: You haven't come yet, Lily! Stop talking to Snape and come! ... please?

lilyflower: Yes James, I'm coming.

IAMPRONGSHEARMEROAR: Good.

_IAMPRONGSHEARMEROAR has left the chat._

lilyflower: Bye, Severus.

_lilyflower has left the chat._

halfbloodprince: Of all the idiots... it has to be him...

_halfbloodprince has left the chat._

A/N: Sorry about the chapter, but I have my laptop on my stomach and it really hurts, so I was in a hurry to write something and get it out to you. Also, people don't really have an alive/dead status in my story, as you could probably tell with Snape.

Thanks to Dragonflame-05 for giving me the killed by Voldemort idea!

I welcome ideas, please, tell me yours. You would be credited.


	14. I Hate The Death Eaters Chat Room

A/N: So sorry for the wait! But I started high school, and from there I just got sidetracked. Sorry!

Gah, it's a crap chapter.

You're all awesome! 99 reviews! Superb! Yay! Now, who wants to be the hundredth?

**I Hate The Death Eaters Chat Room**

_malfoysr has joined the chat._

_lordofthedance has joined the chat._

_yummybabyyummy has joined the chat._

malfoysr: My Lord, I mean no disrespect, but sure you sure that this is a good idea?

lordofthedance: Of course, you fool! I must know where the world's loyalties lie!

yummybabyyummy: hisses agreeingly

malfoysr: But, My Lord, surely anyone _truly _loyal to you would have no use for a _filthy _muggle object, such as this!

lordofthedance: Then why is it then, Lucius, that you seem to possess a computop?

malfoysr: Er, My Lord, I retract my previous comment.

lordofthedance: I thought you might.

yummybabyyummy: hisses mockingly

_malfoyjr has joined the chat._

malfoysr: _Get. Out._

_malfoyjr has left the chat._

lordofthedance: Who was that, Lucius?

malfoysr: Someone masquerading as Draco, My Lord.

lordofthedance: Is that so?

yummybabyyummy: hisses doubtfully

malfoysr: Yes, My Lord.

_lemondropsaremygod has joined the chat._

lordofthedance: _Dumbledore_.

yummybabyyummy: hisses loathingly

lemondropsaremygod: Why, yes I am!

malfoysr: We know.

lemondropsaremygod: Why, Lucius Malfoy? I was always sure that you were a big Death Eater. Wrong, was I?

malfoysr: Yes, very much so. I'm as light as unicorn on the sun.

lordofthedance: You... you _cretin_!

yummybabyyummy: hisses menacingly

malfoysr: Er, yes, I'm _very _light, just like my _friend _here. Isn't that right, _lord of the dance_?

lordofthedance: Er, right! Of course! I was, ah, just a tad upset.

lemondropsaremygod: Over what, may I ask?

lordofthedance: Er, if Lucius here had a unicorn on the sun, it'd die! Because the sun is hot, you see. And I absolutely adore unicorns! They have the most delightful bloo- er, horns.

lemondropsaremygod: That they do. What made you hate the Death Eaters? Or is it that smelly, moldy, _old_, soon-to-be-dead Voldemort?

lordofthedance: Old? He is not old! He's very young.

yummybabyyummy: hisses supportingly

lemondropsaremygod: If you call old young, then I suppose he is.

lordofthedance: Oh, and you're young, are you Dumbledore?!

malfoysr: My, er, lord of the dance, please, calm yourself.

lordofthedance: Who are you to tell me, the lord of the dance, to _calm himself_?!

malfoysr: No one! I am no one! grovels

lemondropsaremygod: ... how did you come by that interesting title, _lord of the dance_?

lordofthedance: Ballet?

malfoysr: Why, I never knew you were a ballet dancer! I myself enjoy a pirouette or two, occasionally.

lordofthedance: Why _else _would I be _lord of the dance_?!

yummybabyyummy: hisses agreeingly

lemondropsaremygod: Why, this conversation does seem to be full of surprises. First, we find out that Lucius _isn't _a Death Eater, then we discover that he does ballet. Interesting, is it not?

lordofthedance: ... very...

_gryffie4ever has joined the chat._

lordofthedance: _Potter._

lemondropsaremygod: Why, good afternoon Harry.

lordofthedance: _Potter._

gryffie4ever: Hello, Professor.

lordofthedance: _Potter._

malfoysr: Good afternoon, Potter.

lordofthedance: _Potter._

gryffie4ever: Malfoy. Decided to be 'reformed' today?

lordofthedance: _Potter._

malfoysr: Why, I have not idea what you're talking about. I'm _always _reformed.

lordofthedance: _Potter._

gryffie4ever: Alright! Who are you and why must you repeat my name?!

lordofthedance: _Potter._

gryffie4ever: Stop!

lordofthedance: _Potter._

gryffie4ever: STOP!

lordofthedance: _Potter._

gryffie4ever: GAH! twitches

_gryffie4ever has left the chat._

lordofthedance: I seem to have driven him insane. Excellent.

malfoysr: Very good job, my lord of the dance.

lemondropsaremygod: I thought you were reformed...?

malfoysr: I am! Goo- no, bad- I mean- er, um, okay?

lordofthedance: Very eloquent, Lucius.

malfoysr: Thank you, my lord of the dance.

lordofthedance: That, Lucius, is what they call _sarcasm._

yummybabyyummy: Hisses mockingly

lemondropsaremygod: Who are you and why are you hissing?

malfoysr: She... er... she has a throat disease!

lemondropsaremygod: Oh?

malfoysr: Yes! And the only way she can communicate is by hissing!

lemondropsaremygod: And how, may I ask, does that affect _typing_?

lordofthedance: Flee my minion, flee! He has discovered us!

malfoysr: flees

lordofthedance: flees

_malfoysr has left the chat._

_lordofthedance has left the chat._

_yummybabyyummy has left the chat._

_gryffie4ever has joined the chat._

gryffie4ever: Professor, what was that all about?

lemondropsaremygod: That Harry, is what Voldemort would call an 'ingenious scheme'.

gryffie4ever: But... he brought his _snake _in the chat room! Isn't that kind of a give away?

lemondropsaremygod: Not one of his best 'ingenious schemes', I'll admit.

gryffie4ever: How did you know it was him, though?

lemondropsaremygod: How many self-respecting men call themselves 'Lord Of The Dance'. Also, how many of them own typing snakes?

gryffie4ever: Er... not a lot?

lemondropsaremygod: Exactly. And this is why we're depending on a teenager to defeat him.

gryffie4ever: Oh.

lemondropsaremygod: Indeed

gryffie4ever: Very much so.

lemondropsaremygod: I agree.

gryffie4ever: Yes.

lemondropsaremygod: Alright.

gryffie4ever: Well, then.

lemondropsaremygod: Yes.

gryffie4ever: Shall I leave, then?

lemondropsaremygod: Perhaps.

_gryffie4ever has left the chat._

_lemondropsaremygod has left the chat._

_lordofthedance has joined the chat._

_malfoysr has joined the chat._

lordofthedance: Perhaps not one of my best ingenious schemes?

malfoysr: No, perhaps not.

lordofthedance: _Crucio!_

malfoysr: withers Thanks you, my Lord. May I ask what prompted such a gift?

lordofthedance: You doubted me! You also didn't defend me when Dumbledore called me old...

malfoysr: My apologies, my Lord! But I was masquerading as a member of the Light!

lordofthedance: I don't care.

malfoysr: Of course my Lord...

lordofthedance: Begone!

malfoysr: Of course my Lord!

_malfoysr has left the chat._

lordofthedance: I'm not old...

_lordofthedance has left the chat._

A/N: For those of you who honestly didn't pick this up, Nagini is yummybabyyummy, and FYI, she means that literally. She thinks babies are yummy. As in tasty.

Thanks to irish gal 2 for giving me the Nagini idea. And thanks to irish gal 2 for giving me the Voldemort idea! Go… well, you!

Idea? Let me know. I'd credit you.

**Alright, this is a rather important note here.**

Now, as much as I adore writing this story (really, I love it) the updates are going to be rather sporadic. The reason for this is because I just started high school, I also start working today.

I write best at about 4 in the morning, which I won't be able to do when in school. Anyway, I'll hope to get some out to you within a reasonable time, but I'm just warning you that it may be a while between updates.

I just want to tell you, I am _**not**_ abandoning this story! I love writing it!


	15. Gryffindor Chat Room

Exceptions. That is not enough time to write anything. So I waited until my computer was returned! And, it was yesterday, so I put off sleep and write instead (I blame my math test's mark on you people!).

And, here you have it, a sad, rather pathetic chapter written just so I can get something out to you! Written on Halloween! Happy Halloween!

**Gryffindor Chat Room**

_gryffie4ever has joined the chat._

_bookwormgrangerheart 3 has joined the chat._

gryffie4ever: Ron?

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Yeah?

grryfie4ever: Hi.

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Uh... hi.

gryffie4ever: D'you know what I think?

bookwormgrangerheart 3: What?

gryffie4ever: I think that this is a plot of Voldemort's! He wants to catch me off guard! Well it isn't going to work!

_gryffie4ever has left the chat._

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Uh... alright then.

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Hello? Anyone there?

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Fine, I'll just talk to myself!

bookwormgrangerheart 3: How're you Ron?

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Oh, I'm just splendid Ron, how're you?

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Oh, I'm alright. Found a tortoise under my bed this morning.

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Really? A tortoise?

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Yes, I was quite confused.

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Did you find out what it was doing there?

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Oh, yes. It was actually Fred.

bookwormgrangerheart 3: And just why was Fred a tortoise?

bookwormgrangerheart 3: I think it had something to do with some bad ham...

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Well, that's quite odd.

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Indeed.

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Yes.

bookwormgrangerheart 3: I'm talking to myself...

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Yes you are.

bookwormgrangerheart 3: I'm seriously messed up.

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Yes you are.

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Hey! You aren't supposed to agree!

bookwormgrangerheart 3: It's true though!

_bookworm500 has joined the chat._

bookworm500: ... Ronald...

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Yes?

bookworm500: Were you talking to yourself?

bookwormgrangerheart 3: No!

bookworm500: Yes you were!

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Was not.

bookworm500: Then you started _fighting _with yourself!

bookwormgrangerheart 3: I did not!

_forgeweasley has joined the chat._

_gredweasley has joined the chat._

forgeweasley: Hey guys-

gredweasley: what's up?

bookworm500: Ron was talking to himself.

forgeweasley: Tsk tsk-

gredweasley: Ronald.

forgeweasley: We thought that you had outgrown that-

gredweasley: nasty habit.

bookwormgrangerheart 3: I was not!

forgeweasley: Say-

gredweasley: where's Harry?

bookwormgrangerheart 3: He got scared off.

forgeweasley: I'm not-

gredweasley: surprised.

bookworm500: I just have one question, Ronald.

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Yeah?

bookworm500: How is it that you not only managed to have an online discussion with yourself, argue with yourself, but _lose _said argument?

bookwormgrangerheart 3: I'm just very talented.

bookworm500: I suppose that's one word for it.

_gryffie4ever has joined the chat._

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Hey, look who's here! It's Harry! Let's talk about something else now!

gryffie4ever: You're not Voldemort, are you?

bookwork500: Of course it isn't, Harry! It's Ron.

gryffie4ever: Are _you _Voldemort, then?

forgeweasley: Yes Harry-

gredweasley: that's Voldemort.

gryffie4ever: AHHHHHHHHH!

_gryffie4ever has left the chat._

bookworm500: That was mean.

forgeweasley: It's what we do-

gredweasley: take advantage of people's fears.

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Yeah, like with _spiders._

forgeweasley: Hey-

gredweasley: Ron.

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Yeah?

forgeweasley: SPIDER.

bookwormgrangerheart 3: AHHHHHHHHH!

_bookwormgrangerheart 3 has left the chat._

bookworm500: You're cruel to your brother. Did you know that?

gredweasley: Yep.

forgeweasley: Hey-

gredweasley: Hermione, guess-

forgeweasley: what?

bookworm500: No.

gredweasley: Aw, c'mon-

forgeweasley: please?

bookworm500: sigh Fine, what?

gredweasley: YOU FAILED.

bookworm500: Actually, no. I didn't.

forgeweasley: What? Aren't you-

gredweasley: scared?

bookworm500: Not in the least.

forgeweasley: Not even-

gredweasley: a little bit?

bookworm500: No.

forgeweasley: A tinsy-

gredweasley: weensy bit?

bookworm500: No. Not at all.

forgeweasley: You're a-

gredweasley: party pooper.

forgeweasley: Now-

gredweasley: the twins are sad.

bookworm500: So?

forgeweasley: That means-

gredweasley: revenge. evil grin

forgeweasley: evil grin

gredweasley: My grin is so eviler than yours.

forgeweasley: Maybe in your own little world.

gredweasley: Who's evil grin is eviler, Hermione?

bookworm500: Mine will be if you two morons aren't quiet!

forgeweasley: Is it her... _time of the month_?

bookworm500: That's it. The gloves are off. You want to see revenge? You better hope to god that you sleep with your eyes open!

_bookworm500 has left the chat._

gredweasley: What do you reckon she meant by that?

forgeweasley: No idea, good sir. But it sounds dangerous...

gredweasley: I bet it is her time of the month. Women are temperamental then.

forgeweasley: So are you!

gredweasley: You are too!

forgeweasley: I am not!

gredweasley: Are you sure you aren't a woman?

forgeweasley: Are you sure YOU aren't a woman?

gredweasley: Yes! Are you?

forgeweasley: Yes!

gredweasley: Alright then, as long as that's been cleared up.

forgeweasley: ...

gredweasley: What? I was just wondering!

_forgeweasley has left the chat._

gredweasley: Hey? Forge? Why have you left me!?!?

gredweasley: I'm your twin! You can't do this!

gredweasley: Fine. Obviously you can.

gredweasley: Alright, I'll just do the same to you!

_gredweasley has left the chat._

A/N: Yeah, sad. I know...

I dye my hair BLUE tomorrow. It was pink, and now it's going to be blue! Then purple. Then green! Yes, bad for my hair, I know. But cool! Guess what I went out for Halloween as? Breakfast. I taped toast, ham, yo-gos, and cheerios to a blanket and tied it around my neck (No, I don't eat ham for breakfast. It looked like a muffin.)

Just FYI for any other Grade 9 students: Romeo is a STALKER. He stands outside Juliet's window, talking to himself about how wonderful she is (after knowing her for less than a day) then he goes up to her balcony, and they exchange vows of love. I mean what the hell? Seriously, if I saw some guy that I met at a party, standing outside my window, talking to himself, I would call the cops, not make out with him!


	16. Animagus Chat Room

A/N: FYI, this chapter is incredibly AU.

I noticed my explanation was cut off in my last chapter. So, here it is:

""" A/N: Heyoh, yeah. I'm back. Miss me? I know you did.

Want an explanation for my (very, very, VERY) long absence? Here's a brief summary:

- For three weeks I just didn't write, I just started high school, and I was busy

- Then (from everything after September 26) my computer died. Yes, that's right. And this is my laptop, the one with ALL of my stories and stuff on it. Why didn't I use one of the other 5 computers in my house? Because I get an hour a day on any computer other than my own. One hour, no exceptions. That is not enough time to write anything. So I waited until my computer was returned! And, it was yesterday, so I put off sleep and write instead (I blame my math test's mark on you people!)."""

Yup, that's it.

**Animagus Chat Room**

_padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes has joined the chat._

_gryffie4ever has joined the chat._

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Harry? When did you become and Animagus?

gryffie4ever: A bit ago.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Splendid! Absolutely superb, old boy!

gryffie4ever: Uh...

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: What animal are you?

gryffie4ever: Oh. A hippo!

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: ... a hippo?

gryffie4ever: Yes. A hippo.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: ... seriously?

gryffie4ever: Yeah, why wouldn't I be? Hippos are very manly and menacing.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Er, whatever you say.

gryffie4ever: Are you doubting the mystical hippo's manly menacing ways?

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: I would _never _do that.

gryffie4ever: Good. Because Harry the mystical, manly, menacing hippo can spot lies!

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: I'm sure you can, Harry.

gryffie4ver: Don't talk down to me!

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: I wouldn't dream of it!

gryffie4ever: Oh yes you would!

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Generally, my dreams don't include hippos or talking down to you.

gryffie4ever: Generally, you say. Oh! Does that mean you do sometimes?

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: No, I just said it!

gryffie4ever: Harry The Hippo spots a LIE!

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Harry The Hippo has been snorting pixie dust.

gryffie4ever: Are you implying that I'm on drugs?

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Are you inferring that?

gryffie4ever: No, you're implying it.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: I would never dream of being so disrespectful to Harry The Hippo by implying something. Harry The Hippo must have inferred it.

gryffie4ever: I smell LIES!

_bookworm500 has joined the chat._

bookworm500: ... Harry The _Hippo_?

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: See? I'm not the only one who finds that odd!

_moonythemagnificent has joined the chat._

moonythemagnificent: Sirius, you should support Harry. Even if he is a hippo.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Remus, he's calling himself _Harry The Hippo_!

moonythemagnificent: Then you should say: Very nice, Harry The Hippo.

bookworm500: Oh, he's not a child. He doesn't need to be coddled.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: See? Hermione agrees with me!

gryffie4ever: Harry The Hippo HUNGERS! FEED THE HUNGRY HUNGRY HIPPO!

bookworm500: ... oh dear lord...

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Can I put him out of his obvious misery?

moonythemagnificent: No.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Please?

moonythemagnificent: No.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Please?

moonythemagnificent: No.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Pretty please?

moonythemagnificent: No!

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Pwetty Pwease? puppy dog eyes

moonythemagnificent: NO!

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Awwww...

gryffie4ver: Bring me MINI WHEATS!

moonythemagnificent: What're Mini Wheats?

bookworm500: They'll eat your soul.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Like Diet Pepsi?

bookworm500: Exactly. And what have we learned, children?

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Oh! That Diet Pepsi and Mini Wheats eat your soul.

bookworm500: No. We learned that you are an idiot that _isn't helping Harry_!

gryffie4ever: Harry The Hippo KNOWS WHERE YOU LIVE.

moonythemagnificent: Yes, and you're welcome to visit anytime.

bookworm: cough Coddle cough

gryffie4ever: Harry The Hippo smells HIDDEN MOCKERY.

moonythemagnificent: And not very well hidden, either.

_bookwormgrangerheart 3 has joined the chat._

bookwormgrangerheart: I am a Liopleurodon! (see A/N at bottom for what a Liopleurodon is)

bookworm500: You're a what?

bookwormgrangerheart 3: A Liopleurodon!

moonythemagnificent: And what exactly is that?

bookwormgrangerheart 3: It's a Liopleurodon.

bookworm500: Yes, but what is it?

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: I believe that it has been made quite clear that he is a Liopleurodon. Congrats, Ron!

moonythemagnificent: So, you're proud of him when he discovers that he's actually a Liopleurodon, but not of Harry when he discovers he's a hippo?

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Is Ron referring to himself as: Ron The Liopleurodon? I think not. Is he saying that he can smell lies? I think not. Therefore, yes, I congratulate him.

bookwormgrangerheart 3: Ron The Liopleurodon smells KIDNEYS!

bookworm500: Oh, hell. I'm leaving. You're all nut jobs.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Seriously... hippos and Liopleurodon? Why not a lion... or a tiger...?

_bookworm500 has left the chat._

_padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes has left the chat._

moonythemagnificent: There's nothing left that I can do for you.

_moonythemagnificent has left the chat._

bookwormgrangerheart 3: I'm off to Candy Mountain!

_bookwormgrangerheart 3 has left the chat._

gryffie4ever: Harry The Hippo is LONELY!

gryffie4ever: Come back to Harry The Hippo!

gryffie4ever: Come BAAAAAAAAAACK!

A/N: I am such a geek. I sit in my pink, green and blue walled room (decorated with band (and Harry Potter) posters, everywhere) charging my ipod as I knit a neon green blob while listening to Slipknot, The Used, She Wants Revenge, System Of A Down, Lost Prophets, Kill Hannah, Limp Bizkit, Story Of The Year, Sixx AM, Saliva and Mindless Self-Indulgence. I. Am. A. Geek. Eh, geeks rule.

Ha ha, this is written the night before Bring Your Kid To Work Day, so, I take advantage of 'No School' and write till late.

Yes, I like to mock Harry. Shush. Anyone pick up on my reference to Charlie The Unicorn? (a freaking hilarious video, look it up on You Tube). That's right, a Liopleurodon. When I grow up, I want to be a Liopleurodon! Ha ha... Liopleurodon... Yeah, it's this thing that looks kind of like a cross between a turtle (without the shell) and a crocodile.

I forgot to credit **Ashla86** with giving me the idea for the Gryffindor Chatroom.


	17. Are You A Potato? Chat Room

A/N: Just got back from Bring Your Kid To Work Day. I got to leave early cause my step-dad had to do actual work. I (literally) fell asleep sitting up when I was at work with him. So I had a juice box and listened to really loud Korn. Yep, my remedy for early morning tiredness.

I'm trying to spit as many chapters out for you as I can. I'm sorry for the utter stupidity of this chapter... I was in a stupid mood.

Oh, the chapter contains frequent mentions of alcohol. If you don't like alcohol, just skip the chapter. I'm not trying to be offensive, alcoholism isn't actually a funny matter.

Also, in no way does the title relate to the chapter... and it's a bad chapter... I'm so sorry...

**Are You A Potato? Chat Room**

_i1can1see1ur1future1in1it1is1an1axe1murderer has joined the chat._

_kittykittykittycat has joined the chat._

i1can1see1ur1future1in1it1is1an1axe1murderer: Im an potato.

kittykittykittycat: Have you been dipping into your Sherry again, Professor Trelawny?

i1can1see1ur1future1in1it1is1an1axe1murderer: Shery? I wood nevr.

kittykittykittycat: Are you quite sure Professor?

i1can1see1ur1future1in1it1is1an1axe1murderer: Pfft! 'corse Im shure!

kittykittykittycat: Because, you see, I hear Madame Rosmerta recently got in a new stock of Sherry.

i1can1see1ur1future1in1it1is1an1axe1murderer: I duno wat yuor talken bout. Ive nevr toched no sherry! Ar yuo shure yuo avent been tochin da sherry urself?

kittykittykittycat: I'm quite sure. But, I'm sure you know this, your record is against you Sybill.

i1can1see1ur1future1in1it1is1an1axe1murderer: Wat rekord? I tolded yuo! I nevr toched no shery!

_icanfufillallyoururgesforbutterbeer has joined the chat._

kittykittykittychat: Madame Rosmerta! Please, tell me, have you recently sold Sybill any Sherry?

i1can1see1ur1future1in1it1is1an1axe1murderer: I dident toche the shery!

icanfufillallyoururgesforbutterbeer: No, she hasn't bought any recently.

i1can1see1ur1future1in1it1is1an1axe1murderer: Hha! I tolded ju! I didnet toche thew shery!

kittykittykittycat: Are you quite sure, Rosmerta?

icanfufillallyoururgesforbutterbeer: Well, she did buy a rather large supply a month ago.

i1can1see1ur1future1in1it1is1an1axe1murderer: LIAIR! I didnet toche no shery! Che lieing too yuo.

kittykittykittycat: Do you think it could have lasted this long?

i1can1see1ur1future1in1it1is1an1axe1murderer: Noooe cuse I didnet bye da shery ande I didnet toche it!

icanfufillallyoururgesforbutterbeer: Oh, it most definitely could have lasted this long. She bought a lot.

i1can1see1ur1future1in1it1is1an1axe1murderer: Yur a felthy liair! i didnet bye da shery!

kittykittykittycat: And why, exactly, did you sell her all of this? Knowing she was a schoolteacher?

icanfufillallyoururgesforbutterbeer: Because...

i1can1see1ur1future1in1it1is1an1axe1murderer: Becuse I dident! Donte ly!

kittykittykittycat: Because...?

icanfufillallyoururgesforbutterbeer: Sad to say, she and Hagrid are my biggest buyers. If I turned them down, I would go bankrupt!

i1can1see1ur1future1in1it1is1an1axe1murderer: I nver toched ur shery!

kittykittykittycat: Would you actually go bankrupt?

icanfufillallyoururgesforbutterbeer: Yes! Hagrid orders as much as five grown men do, and that's just with one drink!

i1can1see1ur1future1in1it1is1an1axe1murderer: Dat's Agrid. I wood nver toche it!

kittykittykittycat: And Sybill?

icanfufillallyoururgesforbutterbeer: She just buys a lot.

i1can1see1ur1future1in1it1is1an1axe1murderer: I donte bye noone!

kittykittykittycat: I see. Sybill, go to bed.

i1can1see1ur1future1in1it1is1an1axe1murderer: Donte wanna!

kittykittykittycat: Bed. Now. You need to sleep this off.

i1can1see1ur1future1in1it1is1an1axe1murderer: sleep wat offe? I nevr toched da shery!

_i1can1see1ur1future1in1it1is1an1axe1murderer has left the chat._

kittykittykittycat: Rosmerta, you need to limit what she buys.

icanfufillallyoururgesforbutterbeer: Perhaps I do. But, Minerva, may I ask you a question?

kittykittykittycat: Alright...

icanfufillallyoururgesforbutterbeer: Why are you in the "I'm A Potato Chat Room," Minerva?

kittykittykittycat: I heard that Sybill had been drinking again. Why are you here, then? Same reason?

icanfufillallyoururgesforbutterbeer: Oh, no. I'm here because I'm A Potato.

kittykittykittycat: Oh.

_kittykittykittycat has left the chat._

icanfufillallyoururgesforbutterbeer: Why do people always leave me when they find that out?!

_i1can1see1ur1future1in1it1is1an1axe1murderer has joined the chat._

i1can1see1ur1future1in1it1is1an1axe1murderer: Ill nevr leve yuo, momi!

_icanfufillallyoururgesforbutterbeer has left the chat._

i1can1see1ur1future1in1it1is1an1axe1murderer: Cum backe! I kneed yuo!

_kittykittykittycat has joined the chat._

kittykittykittycat: Go to bed, Sybill.

i1can1see1ur1future1in1it1is1an1axe1murderer: Doe I haeve 2?

kittykittykittycat: Yes.

_i1can1see1ur1future1in1it1is1an1axe1murderer has left the chat._

kittykittykittycat: Merlin... I need a drink...

A/N: Bleh... I got my report card...

Yes, it's that bad. My mother wants to put me in tutoring... because, apparently, even though I was above the average in all of my (academic) courses, it wasn't good enough. Tell me, is 80.3 percent average bad? Cause, my mom says she's "worried about me". Gah.

You have no idea how difficult it was not to go through this chapter and fix all the spelling mistakes. shudder

Oh, this chapter is dedicated to my friends, all of which passed (well, at least most did, like 3 didn't)! Yay for you, J! Got an 81 in French, you nerd. To F, you need to go to school, then you'll pass. cough 48 average cough


	18. Up Till Now Names

A/N: Since it's been so long since I updated, I'm putting a list of the names so far up, just so you can remember

A/N: Since it's been so long since I updated, I'm putting a list of the names so far up, just so you can remember. :P

Hogwarts Chat Room Names:

cptnwood195 – Oliver Wood

gryffie4ever – Harry

malfoyjr – Malfoy

crabbengoyle – Crabbe and Goyle

bookworm500 – Hermione

bookwormgrangerheart 3 – Ron

gredweasley – Fred/George

forgeweasley – Fred/George

crumple1horn1snoracks1pwn1u – Luna

3drackiepoo 3 – Pansy

flintcptnflint – Fake Flint - Harry

slytherinchickthatyoudontknow – Hermione

ihatepotter – Ron

captainofslytherin – Flint

lemondropsaremygod – Dumbledore

kittykittykittycat – McGonagall

halfbloodprince – Snape

queenofdabooks – Madame Pince

aintasquib – Filch

scarheadsucks – Malfoy

elbowinthebutterdish – Ginny

boywholived – Harry

insanewitchbella – Bellatrix

scabberstherat – Pettigrew

malfoyofthelusciouslips – Malfoy

malfoysr – Malfoy Sr.

moonythemagnificent – Remus

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes – Sirius

creevy401 – Colin

creevy402 – Dennis

lavlav410 – Lavander

idonotlooklikeatoad – Umbridge

lockxoxmyxoxhartxoxaway – Lockhart

turbanmaster – Quirrel

oldmugglecaretaker – Frank the Muggle Caretaker

cedcedthedigdigboy – Cedric

myrtlethemoooooaner – Moaning Myrtle

lilyflower – Lily

IAMPRONGSHEARMEROAR – James

Lordofthedance – Voldemort

Yummybabyyummy – Nagini

i1can1see1ur1future1in1it1is1an1axe1murderer – Trelawney

A/N: I'll be posting another chapter right now.


	19. Have Revenge On The Slytherins Chat Room

A/N: I'm baaaack. :

**Have Revenge On The Slytherins Chat Room**

_gryffie4ever has joined the chat._

_bookwormgranger 3 has joined the chat._

bookwormgranger 3: Alright, so this is a sort of… idea exchange for those who feel they've been wronged by the Slytherins!

gryffie4ever: Yeah! Join, and express yourself.

_elbowinthebutterdish has joined the chat._

bookwormgranger 3: Oh. It's you Ginny.

elbowinthebutterdish: Yeah Ron! I have tons of ideas.

bookwormgranger 3: Mhm, I'm sure you do. Get out.

elbowinthebutterdish: But, what? I don't want to!

bookwormgranger 3: Now Ginny.

elbowinthebutterdish: I'm telling mom…

_elbowinthebutterdish has joined the chat._

_bookworm500 has joined the chat._

bookworm500: Boys! What do you think you're doing?

gryffie4ever: Uh, rebelling?

bookworm500: Well, stop it!

_moonythemagnificent has joined the chat._

_padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes has joined the chat._

moonythemagnificent: Hermione's right boys, time to stop.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: C'mon Moony! They're actually putting the Internet to good use.

moonythemagnificent: It's inappropriate.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: In what way? They're just expressing their creative genius.

bookwormgranger 3: Exactly! Our creative genius.

bookworm500: Oh, phsaw! You don't have enough creative genius to finish an essay!

gryffie4ever; How much creative genius goes into an essay? It's an essay!

bookworm500: A lot, thank you very much!

_zackyboy has joined the chat._

bookwormgranger 3: Who are you?

zackyboy: Zacharias Smith.

gryffie4ever: And you have an idea for revenge against Slytherin?

zackyboy: Why yes I do. Zacky wants Vengeance.

bookwormgranger 3: And it is…?

zackyboy: Light them on fire!

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Oh, that's terrible.

moonythemagnificent: I'd have to agree.

gryffie4ever: Ditto here.

bookwormgranger 3: And here.

bookworm500: But that's illegal!

zackyboy: It's a damn good idea!

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: I promise you, it's not.

zackyboy: Yeah? I'd like to see _you _do better.

moonythemagnificent: Uh oh…

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Hmmm… well, just off the top of my head, you could enchant them all to see lovely naked women when ever they looked at Snivellus.

_forgeweasley has joined the chat_

_gredweasley has joined the chat._

forgeweasley: Excellent idea Sirius.

gredweasley: Thank you.

_forgeweasley has left the chat_

_gredweasley has left the chat._

moonythemagnificent: See? And _that's _why I won't let you help them.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: No, you don't let me help them because you're a meanie.

gryffie4ever: That was actually a pretty good idea Sirius. Zacharias, not so much.

zackyboy: What ever… T.T

_zackyboy has left the chat._

bookwormgranger 3: Okay, so we have that. Anything else?

bookworm500: You could ban them from the library!

bookwormgranger 3: And that's revenge _how_?

bookworm500: It is!

moonythemagnificent: It truly is.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Bookworms unite…

_kittykittykittycat has joined the chat._

bookwormgranger 3: Professor…? O.o

kittykittykittycat: Yes, Mr. Weasley.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Minnie? Is that you! Oh my dear, how I've missed you.

kittykittykittycat: Mr. Black, aren't you a bit old to be partaking in immature things such as this?

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: :O Did you just call me _old_?

moonythemagnificent: I think she did Padfoot.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: I'll have you know I'm not even middle aged! And _still _hot!

moonythemagnificent: I'm sure your still very good looking for someone your age.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Hey!

moonythemagnificent: _But _I personally would like to know what Minerva is doing here?

bookwormgranger 3: I personally would like to know if I'm going to get detention…

kittykittykittycat: No, Mr. Weasley, you will not get detention. To answer your question Remus, I'm here for two reasons. One, to reprimand you all for this behaviour, and two to suggest something.

gryffie4ever: Seriously?

bookworm500: Professor!

kittykittykittycat: Don't be so shocked Ms. Granger. I've had by share of… _poor_ dealings with this particular house.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Why, Minnie, you've been hiding a devious side, have you?

kittykittykittycat: Hardly, Mr. Black.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Ehh ehh? Who knows what other things you get up to around the school? ;)

bookwormgranger 3: RIGHT. Anyway!

kittykittykittycat: Thank you Mr. Weasley. As I was saying… if you all feel that … _revenge_… is necessary, may I suggest using Transfiguration?

bookworm500: In what way though, professor?

gryffie4ever: Hermione! I thought you disapproved.

bookworm500: I do. But I would so love to see Malfoy hopping about in bunny ears in his skivvies.

kittykittykittycat: I was going to suggest transfiguring clothes.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Good idea, Hermione!

moonythemagnificent: How would we be going about that?

_filiusthecharmer has joined the chat._

gryffie4ever: Professor Flitwick? O.o

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: This seems to have turned into a teacher's convention, Moony.

moonythemagnificent: Yes, it does.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: We should flee Moony. Flee! /flees/

_padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes has left the chat._

moonythemagnificent: Sirius… we're not students anymore.

_padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes has joined the chat._

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Yeah… I forgot.

filiusthecharmer: Excuse me, but I do think I can help with the, uh, _skivvies _idea.

bookwormgranger 3: Really Professor?

filiusthecharmer: Why yes, Miss Granger.

bookwormgranger 3: Uh.. it's actually Ron sir.

filiusthecharmer: I see. And this is a perfect example of why I don't dabble in the affairs of love.

bookworm500: Ignore Ronald please, sir. You were saying?

filiusthecharmer: Oh yes, if you really wanted to enact Miss Granger's idea, you could merely set a simple charm on the door that will enact when someone bearing the Slytherin crest walks through the door.

gryffie4ever: But wouldn't that affect Snape as well?

filiusthecharmer: Hm… would it now? I'm not aware.

kittykittykittycat: Besides… Severus is a big boy. He'll be able to look after himself.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: GO MCGONAGALL! DOWN WITH SNIVELLUS! POWER TO THE PEOPLE!

kittykittykittycat: Excuse me Mr. Black, I would never knowingly plot against one of my fellow teachers. However… should he _happen _to walk through the door that _particular _morning, it would be rather unfortunate for him.

moonythemagnificent: Why Professor, that's simply devious.

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Told ya so Moony. She's evil.

_lemondropsaremygod has joined the chat._

lemondropsaremygod: I'm afraid that no matter how amusing these ideas are, I must ask you all to leave. Plotting against one particular branch of the school is inappropriate. _However…_ if this were to be directed at not just one particular section of Hogwarts, I may… forget that I ever saw this chat room.

_lemondropsaremygod has left the chat._

padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes: Do you think that was a subtle hint to leave?

moonythemagnificent: Perhaps, Sirius. Just perhaps.

_padfoot1the1fearer1of1flamingoes has left the chat._

_moonythemagnificent has left the chat._

kittykittykittycat: Mr. Potter, Mr. Weasley, and Miss Granger?

bookworm500: Yes, Professor?

kittykittykittycat: We were _not here._

filiusthecharmer: We were not.

_kittykittykittycat has left the chat._

_filiusthecharmer has left the chat._

bookwormgranger 3: Well that went better than was to be expected.

gryffie4ever: I should say so…

bookworm500: Still… McGonagall?

bookwormgranger 3: I know I have trouble believing it to.

_kittykittykittycat has joined the chat._

kittykittykittycat: I was NOT here!

_kittykittykittycat has left the chat._

gryffie4ever: Uh… yeah… No one was here except us?

bookwormgranger 3: That's right Harry… it makes no sense for anyone else to be here.

bookworm500: No one else…

gryffie4ever: We should go now, though. We're going to be busy. After all, we have to implement the plans that we ourselves made up, without anyone else being here.

bookworm500: Right.

bookwormgranger 3: Talley ho then! Let's have at it!

_gryffie4ever has left the chat._

_bookwormgranger 3 has left the chat._

_bookworm500 has left the chat._

A/N: I spent all last night working feverishly on this, and now I'm doing it after school, even though the rest of my band'll be here later, and we need to practice.

Hey, did anyone catch my A7X reference? (Zacky Vengeance)

Oh gosh, I'm seriously thinking of starting another one of these, except more… uh, mature. Because, outside of writing, I have a simply dirty sense of humour, and I don't seem to really convey this in this story. ; Still not sure though.

OH, and by the way, big ultra thank you's to xXxDogStarxXx for reviewing, and then pming me, and _then _looking over my chapter. ; Ultra cool, man.


End file.
